


Season 1, Episode 6: The Space Between Us

by Peaches and RAmen (Peachy00Keen)



Series: Star Trek: Babel [10]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek - Various Authors, Star Trek Online
Genre: Abduction, Action/Adventure, Aliens, Andorians, Body Horror, Breakup, Death, Disasters, F/F, F/M, Gen, Gliesians, Gore, Grief/Mourning, Humans, Insanity, Kidnapping, Loss, M/M, Mourning, Multi, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Other, Science, Science Fiction, Star Trek References, Star Trek: Babel, Tellarites, Torture, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 29,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26446102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peachy00Keen/pseuds/Peaches%20and%20RAmen
Summary: Lieutenant Jeremy Caldwell leads an away team on an exploratory mission down to the surface of Makapo IV. Violent storms and an unexpected interloper leave everyone involved faced with a unique set of challenges in the face of despair.
Relationships: David Brahms/Renetta Benson
Series: Star Trek: Babel [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623328
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

_Captain’s Log, Stardate 48905.5: One week into our survey of a Class-M planetoid in the Makapo system, our away team is preparing to return to_ Babel _with their findings. Makapo IV, the planetoid in question, has been of particular interest to our head of geology, Lieutenant Caldwell, for its multitude of abnormal qualities. The surface of the planetoid is littered with cave openings that he believes are connected in a massive network, though our sensors alone cannot prove or disprove his hypothesis, due to the presence of several metallic compounds that deflect every type of sensor we throw at them. Such a cave network, assuming it exists, could play host to any number of new lifeforms, hidden away from peering eyes by the planetoid’s protective cover. It also appears to be incredibly dense, with a local gravity roughly eighty percent of Earth standard, despite its small size, and it maintains an oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere suitable for most humanoid life, even if it is a bit thin._

_The main difficulty, though, has been the near-constant dust storms that ravage the surface. At any given time, most of the ground is covered by these intense storms, so strong that even our transporters can’t penetrate them. It took the crew several days to analyze the storm patterns and find a suitable location for this mission, and in this case, “suitable” means that our away team has had a two-day window where the storm was light enough for a shuttlecraft to fly them down and back to the ship. In a few hours’ time, the storm will become too strong to fly, and the next window won’t be for another three days. Despite the scientific potential of Makapo IV, I intend to return Babel to its scheduled course once our away team is back aboard the ship._


	2. Chapter 2

The away team made their way toward the mouth of the cave, the light of day outside slowly growing from a distant pinprick to a gaping maw of blinding light.  
  
“I wish we could stay here a few days longer,” Renetta said, sounding disappointed as they neared the opening. “Some of the deposits had the most bizarre gravimetric readings.”  
  
“This place is like nothing we’ve ever been to before,” Jeremy added, also sounding less than enthusiastic about the prospect of departure. “These cave networks run so deep, reading the rock strata is as easy as reading a book. You just have to keep scrolling down.”  
  
“As fascinating as this place is, we really ought to get back to the shuttle,” David said with a grunt, shifting one of the equipment packs on his back.  
  
“We’ve still got plenty of time before our window closes, Ensign,” Jeremy said nonchalantly. “The storms aren’t due to close in for another hour and a half yet. That gives us plenty of time to get back to the shuttle, get settled, and clear the atmosphere before the winds kick up.”  
  
David seemed unconvinced. “Either way, it couldn’t hurt to pick up the pace.”  
  
After a moment of tense silence broken only by their footsteps on the gravel-covered stone, Renetta attempted to resume their initial conversation. “So, do you think we’ll be able to come back here once the storm has passed?”  
  
“I’m not sure,” Jeremy responded. “If I had any say in the matter, absolutely, but something tells me the captain isn’t going to park us in orbit for a few days while we wait out the storms.”  
  
As the trio emerged from the cave, Jeremy was surprised to find the winds outside far stronger than what he’d expected. One particularly strong gust whipped up a curtain of sand, pelting the team with tiny, piercing grains.  
  
“Let’s hurry and get off the ground as soon as we can. The storm looks like it’s moving in ahead of schedule,” Jeremy called over the wind.  
  
The shuttle’s ramp lowered and the three officers clambered into the relative shelter of the tiny shuttle. Renetta and Jeremy began securing the equipment that David had dropped just inside the entrance on his way to the helm. The ramp raised and locked into place as the two scientists finished putting the last of the equipment in its place for the trip, and the engine hummed to life over the rising din of the storm outside.  
  
“Strap in,” David called over his shoulder. “I’m taking us up.”  
  
Jeremy nodded to Renetta as she took her seat in the passenger compartment, before climbing up to join David in the co-pilot’s seat. He read through the series of green readiness indicators as the Type-6 shuttle’s engine whined, readying itself for the perilous journey back to the ship.  
  
“Shuttlecraft _Himalaya_ to _Babel_ ,” Jeremy called through the shuttle’s long-range communicator, while David prepped the craft for takeoff. “We’re about to begin our ascent.”  
  
“ _Acknowledged,_ Himalaya,” came the Captain’s voice, slightly distorted by the weak signal. “ _The storm is coming in quickly, so you might have a bumpy ride. Be careful on your way back._ ”  
  
Jeremy looked over to Ensign Brahms as he closed the channel and raised an eyebrow at him. “Think you can handle some turbulence, Ensign?”  
  
A credit to Starfleet professionalism, David merely rolled his eyes. “Yes sir, I think I can handle it.”  
  
The shuttle rumbled as it took to the air, and the journey didn’t get any easier once they gained altitude. Makapo’s dust storms were more intense than any Class-M planet Jeremy had ever seen or read about, and the barrage of particles that hammered their shuttle now made the conditions he’d complained about for the entirety of their mission seem pleasant by comparison. Less than a minute into the flight, David was flying entirely on instrumentation as the viewscreen in front of them was blocked out by a blanket of red and brown.  
  
“Damn it, I can’t get a fix on anything!” David shouted, fighting desperately to keep the shuttle under control. “Lieutenant, what do you have on sensors?”  
  
“Just more dust!” Jeremy shouted back, the seat’s restraints just barely keeping him from being thrown violently into the console in front of him. He looked down at the screen again and saw a proximity alarm flashing. “Wait, no, there’s something coming at us! Starboard side-”  
  
The shuttle lurched as the unknown object slammed into them, causing sparks to burst from overhead, singing Jeremy’s right arm and shoulder. More alarms lit up across the display. He didn’t need to be able to see out the viewscreen to feel them start to spin out of control. Renetta screamed from the back of the shuttle, and David stared at his console as if everything else was kilometers away.  
  
“We’re losing altitude, and we’ve lost one nacelle. Jeremy, we’re going to crash, and it’s going to be a bad one.”  
  
 _We should have left when David first warned me_ , Jeremy thought to himself. His heart seemed to lurch up into his throat, and his palms were slick with sweat. The world started to spin around him, but he knew he had to do _something_.  
  
“David, how long can you keep us up with the shields down?”  
  
“With the shields _down_?!”  
  
“Can you do it?”  
  
David shook his head and muttered something indecipherable that Jeremy assumed he didn’t want to hear anyway. “Maybe thirty seconds,” he said. “But then all bets are off.”  
  
“Do it,” Jeremy replied. He opened the comm channel and laid out his plan. “ _Babel_ , we’ve taken damage and our flight isn’t sustainable. We’re going to drop the shields and get as close to you as we can for an emergency beam-out. Please acknowledge.”  
  
“ _Acknowledged, Himalaya_ ,” came the voice of Thriss, the Andorian engineer managing the Operations station. “ _Get as close as you can, this storm is worse than expected and interfering with our sensors_.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re telling me,” Jeremy muttered. He nodded to David and felt the shuttle shake even more violently as the shields collapsed. The rapidly deteriorating hull started to slow, and soon he felt them falling again.  
  
“Any time now, _Babel_!” David shouted. Jeremy turned to look at Renetta and saw her staring down at the floor of the craft, her hands clenched tight and tears running down her face. Just as all hope seemed to be lost, he saw a shimmer of blue engulf him, and the doomed shuttle disappeared around him, only to be replaced by one of _Babel’_ s transporter rooms.  
  
Jeremy collapsed onto the transporter pad and felt a wave of relief flood through his body. He let out an unconvincing laugh and turned to face the rest of his team. “Nice flying, Ensign-”  
  
No one else was on the transporter pad. He turned around to face the transporter chief at the same time Captain Murali’s voice echoed from the ship’s comm system.  
  
 _“Transporter room, do you have them?”_  
  
The Bolian woman paled as she looked up at Jeremy in horror. “We have Lieutenant Caldwell, sir... but I’m afraid the others didn’t make it.”


	3. Chapter 3

_“We have Lieutenant Caldwell, sir... but I’m afraid the others didn’t make it.”_  
  
The entire bridge fell silent at the transporter chief’s words. Jessica didn’t want to believe it. She looked around at the stricken faces of the bridge crew, each of whom had become accustomed to the sharp piloting and attitude of Ensign Brahms, and the bubbly cheer of Ensign Benson. They had been part of the crew for just five months now, but they already seemed like a permanent fixture on the ship, and their budding relationship with each other only made their loss more tragic. Eventually, it was Thriss who broke the silence.  
  
“Captain, I... I have a fix on the crash site. There are no lifesigns.”  
  
Raj stared grimly at the planetoid’s surface through the viewscreen. “Keep scanning the site, Ensign. That storm shouldn’t have been strong enough to harm them. I want to know exactly what happened.”  
  
“Aye, sir.”  
  
Jessica felt her stomach tie into knots as she thought about Jeremy, sitting on a transporter pad thinking about the two friends he’d just lost. _Not just lost,_ she reminded herself. _Lost under his command. Like what happened with Kevin._  
  
“Captain, permission to see to Lieutenant Caldwell?”  
  
Raj turned to her, temporarily distracted from his own thoughts. “Granted, Miss Barnes. And for what it’s worth, tell him I’m sorry.”  
  
Jessica held herself together until the turbolift doors closed, then she slumped against the wall, memories of that terrible mission flooding back to her. She could still hear the screams of the diplomatic team and smell the residue of weapons fire when she closed her eyes. She fought back as the tears started again, like they always did, and when the doors opened again, she took off at a determined run.  
  
When she finally found him, Jeremy was sitting alone in a dark science lab, its normally transparent walls blackened for privacy. His head was buried under his arms, resting on the hard surface of a white table. He didn’t move when she entered, so she let the doors close and took a seat next to him, the room returning to darkness. When he still didn’t move, Jessica reached out hesitantly and put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
“I don’t want to talk,” he managed, without lifting his head from the table. Even muffled by his arms, his voice sounded raw and hoarse.  
  
“Then don’t,” she replied softly. “I just wanted you to know I’m here.”  
  
“Jess?” He looked up at her in confusion. She still couldn’t make out any detail in the dark, but the beaten-down posture of someone consumed by grief was unmistakable, even in silhouette.  
  
“Were you expecting someone else?” The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them, and Jessica wasn’t sure why she’d said them, or why the thought seemed to bother her. Her hand slid down from his shoulder, and she set it down awkwardly on the table. “I mean, is that okay? I... thought you could use a friend.”  
  
“I don’t know what I need,” Jeremy replied. “I just got two good people killed, and I didn’t even have the decency to die with them.”  
  
The words were slightly different, but it was the same feeling she’d experienced a year ago, only she didn’t have the heart to try to set him straight as aggressively as Captain Beldon had for her. She searched in vain for the right words and drummed her fingers anxiously against the table.  
  
Jeremy unfolded his arms and set his hand on hers. “I’m sorry,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I didn’t mean that... I just keep going over everything in my head. David kept telling us we needed to leave, but our storm report said we had another two hours, so we kept working. There was so much we wanted to study on the surface, and... I should’ve listened.”  
  
“You did what you could with the information you had,” she said gently, taking his hand in hers. She gave it a light squeeze, and he gripped back hard in return. His hand was shaking.  
  
Jeremy shook his head. “I was careless, too. I was watching the sensors. I should’ve seen the debris that hit us in time. I could have done something.”  
  
“I know how that feels, but please believe me when I say it wasn’t your fault.”  
  
“Well whose fault was it, then?” He pulled his hand back from hers and stood angrily. “Was it the pilot who died trying to save us after _I_ ignored his warnings and waited until the last moment to leave? Was it Renetta? Was she supposed to have some magic solution in the back of the shuttle? It was _my_ away team, Jess, and _my_ mission! That makes their lives _my_ responsibility, and I let them down!”  
  
She’d expected it, but Jessica still recoiled at his outburst. He was hurt, confused, and angry, and he didn’t have any way to express the anger and guilt he was carrying. _He’s a science officer, not security,_ she thought. _He shouldn’t have to go through this at all. I just wish I could do something to help him._  
  
“Jeremy...” she started, but he didn’t give her a chance.  
  
“Just leave me alone, Jess. I just want to be alone right now.”  
  
He stormed out of the lab, leaving her sitting alone in the dark, wondering just why she felt like the one who’d lost a friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Renetta felt her entire body jolt as if she had just been struck by lightning, and her eyes flew open. Her chest heaved with frantic breaths and the overwhelming urge to scream, but despite the demands of her panicked brain, no part of her would respond. In the dark grayness that surrounded her, the shadows seemed to morph and shift if she stared at them for too long.  
  
 _Maybe it’s just sleep paralysis_. She thought, her mind grasping at straws in an attempt to rationalize things. _It’s been years since my last episode, but I used to get it all the time as a kid. Just close my eyes and tell myself happy thoughts. Deep breaths. Relaxed muscles…_  
  
“Renetta?”  
  
The timid whisper snapped her back to reality, sending another tingle of electric horror down her spine. _The shuttle crash_.  
  
“David?” she called back quietly. Running under the assumption that they were buried under a pile of rubble, both barely alive felt like a steady enough working hypothesis for her brain to latch onto. The young woman felt her heart rate begin to settle despite the fact that she still couldn’t move.  
  
“I’m here,” he answered quietly, sounding slightly more relieved than before. “Are you okay?”  
  
“I can’t move my arms or my legs,” she said, worry seeping back into the forefront of her mind. “What’s going on? Where’s Jeremy?”  
  
“I don’t know, I haven’t seen him. I can’t move either, but I’ve been awake for a little while.” Renetta heard a quiet, brief shuffle. “I can move my head, but that’s it. More importantly, I can’t hear the storm.”  
  
Their conversation paused long enough for Renetta to make the same note. No wind, no creaking metal, no sound at all besides their breathing. She cleared her throat, barely louder than a whisper, and the percussive tone echoed off the walls around them.  
  
“We’re underground, probably in some kind of chamber. There’s an echo, but not much.” Instinctively, she turned her head in the direction David’s voice had been coming from and was surprised when her muscles obliged. “How did we get here?”  
  
“I have no idea. The last thing I remember was being in the shuttle and waiting for Babel to beam us out. Somehow, we ended up here.” David paused a moment before adding: “Wherever ‘here’ is.”  
  
A loud mechanical clank interrupted their hushed conversation and their world was flooded with blinding white lights from seemingly every direction. Uneven footsteps echoed in the chamber, their source still out of sight as Renetta craned her neck as far as she could, trying to see over her chest.  
  
The footsteps came to a halt, their source still unseen, and a voice began speaking in a metered, methodical tone.  
  
“Journal Entry 349: The two subjects, one male and one female, species ‘human’, have regained consciousness. I have been listening to their conversation. Despite partial sensory deprivation, their ability to determine their whereabouts has been surprisingly astute. I shall begin my first tests shortly.”  
  
There was a small click and the footsteps resumed again, bringing a crooked figure into view. The alien was a humanoid, seemingly male, with sickly yellow-green skin that almost looked as if it were melting in places. His frame was slanted, with one shoulder slumped lower than the other, adding to the melting effect.  
  
“Tests?” Renetta asked as the grotesque figure as he approached. “What kind of tests?”  
  
“So calm and curious for someone who was, only a moment ago, consumed by hysteria.” He patted her arm. “In time, many of your questions will be answered.”  
  
“What if we want answers now?” David asked defensively, visibly straining against whatever force was denying their limbs animation. The alien turned, his stained labcoat wafting the faint scent of decomposition and singed fabric in Renetta’s direction.  
  
“I implore you not to struggle,” the alien doctor said. “It will only exhaust you, and I need you in exemplary condition for my studies.”  
  
“Why are we here?” Renetta asked, desperately wishing she could move even her torso.  
  
The doctor turned around and assessed her with an unimpressed stare, raising one eyebrow in inquiry. “Have I not already made that painfully obvious?” he asked testily. “If such a question is indicative of your overall intelligence, perhaps I should dispose of you now and not waste my resources.”  
  
“Don’t touch her!” David shouted, the blood vessels in his neck protruding as he struggled to command his body. The doctor’s other eyebrow rose as he turned slowly and took a step back so that both Renetta and David could see him clearly.  
  
“You’re quite defensive of this other human. How curious.” He took a sideways step in Renetta’s direction and produced a small device from his pocket. “To what ends might you go to prevent harm from coming to her?” The doctor pressed a button on the device and pulled up the sleeve of Renetta’s uniform before pressing the tip against her skin.  
  
Whatever was preventing her from moving her body did not dull her nerves. Fiery pain engulfed her arm as if it were being wrapped in live wires. Renetta screamed in pain.  
  
“No!” David shouted over her cries. “She hasn’t done anything to you!”  
  
With a wicked, twisted grin, the doctor pulled the device away from Renetta’s arm. Even after he had broken contact, the pain lingered, burning like capsaicin in an open wound. When the doctor spoke again, the cool, professional demeanor had shifted and his voice took on a breathy tone.  
  
“Hasn’t she?” He asked. “She’s landed herself on my exam table. That puts her in a very undesirable position as far as either of you is concerned.”  
  
“She didn’t put herself there,” David snapped back, speaking for both of them while all Renetta could manage were whimpers as the pain slowly subsided.  
  
“Then who did?” The doctor asked, taking a step in David’s direction. “Was it you? Did you sentence her to this unfortunate fate?”  
  
“I would never do that to her,” he spat. “I would rather die than see any harm come to her!”  
  
The doctor stopped and raised his eyebrows again, the grin on his face widening to reveal a fittingly uneven set of yellowed teeth. “You would die?” he breathed. “What a bold statement.”  
  
His words hung in the air for several seconds and Renetta shivered unmovingly as the agony in her arm was overtaken by a sudden chill. The doctor’s manic grin faded back to a professional half-smile as he turned and headed back in the direction from which he had originally come.  
  
“Consider the truth of those words,” the alien said, disappearing from view. “I’ll return for you in a few hours.” With another deafening mechanical clank, the lights went out.


	5. Chapter 5

The turbolift hummed as it rose through the decks, shifting direction through lateral tubes here and there. As the lift routed itself to bypass other passengers on its way to the bridge, Shannon had a few moments to herself in which to think.  
  
Captain Murali seemed awful tense, she thought. Typically, the captain at least gave her a brief idea of what the matter was when summoning her unexpectedly during off duty hours. This time, there had been nothing, as if she was expected to already know the subject he was waiting to discuss. Not only that, but the tone of his voice had left the First Officer feeling inexplicably on edge. As the lift came to a halt, Shannon straightened her posture and her uniform shirt before stepping through the doors.  
  
Her foot had barely made contact with the deck when the mood of the room struck her. There was no chattering among stations or the soothing, busy beeps of workstations under diligent fingertips. The complete absence of productivity was like a noose that tightened with every second she stood there. Forlorn glances met her sweeping gaze as she surveyed the room in the time it took for her feet to remember where they were headed. _Something isn't right._  
  
Shannon chimed the door to the captain’s ready room and was ushered in by Raj’s familiar voice. She wasted no time, stepping through and immediately launching into her inquiries.  
  
“Sir, what’s going on up here?”  
  
The Captain was standing at the viewport, staring out at the planetoid below. His hands were folded neatly behind him, but the set of his jaw was tense, and Shannon immediately had the suspicion that his calm demeanor was a façade about to come crashing down.  
  
“Commander, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”  
  
Shannon felt her stomach do a somersault. _What could have gone wrong?_ “Did someone get hurt? Should I head to sickbay?”  
  
Raj turned to face her, and this time his solemn face was unmistakable. “Commander... Shannon, there was an accident. The away team’s shuttle was hit by debris on its ascent back to _Babel_. We managed to beam Lieutenant Caldwell aboard, but the storm’s interference was too much, and we lost the transporter lock on Brahms and Benson. They were both killed in the crash.”  
  
The anxious somersaulting turned into a lead weight as Shannon felt her stomach hit the floor. A moment of stunned silence muffled the room for a moment before the young woman shook her head and took a step forward. “No… No, that can’t be right. That can’t--” She looked Raj in the eyes and stopped mid-sentence. Her hands reached out for something solid and found the back of the chair. Shannon chewed on her lower lip, a nervous habit she’d been trying to break for years. “Are you sure we’ve checked all possible areas? Maybe they’re under debris… or… or obscured by one of the subterranean caverns…”  
  
“Shannon... I’m sorry. We tracked the shuttle to the crash site, and there were no lifesigns. It’ll be another two days before the storm clears enough to send a team down to recover the bodies. I wanted you to know before I shared the news with the rest of the crew.”  
  
Not knowing how to respond, the redheaded woman stood there, silently kneading the back of the chair. The taste of blood several moments later slowly brought her back to the present. She looked up at the captain. “What do we do now?”  
  
“Ensign Thriss is already working on an analysis of the crash, and Lieutenant Barnes went to check on Mister Caldwell, though I hear she didn’t have much luck. Hopefully, we can learn what happened so that we can make sure it doesn’t happen again to someone else. We’re Starfleet officers, Commander. We all know the dangers that come with the uniform. When a tragedy like this strikes, all we can do is carry on.”  
  
“Aye, sir,” Shannon said, releasing her grip on the back of the chair and straightening her posture. “Awaiting orders, sir.”  
  
Raj gave her a sympathetic look. “You’re still off duty, Commander. Spend your time however you’d like. You’re close to Lieutenant Caldwell, right? He’s bound to be hurting worse than anyone right now. Maybe you can talk to him.”  
  
Shannon nodded. “I’ll get right on it. If there’s anything else I can do, let me know.” She paused briefly at the door and stared at the carpet as she willed back tears. “And thank you, I suppose.”


	6. Chapter 6

As David’s eyes began to adjust back to the sudden darkness, he felt whatever drug he’d been given start to wear off. It took a great deal of effort, but he was slowly able to pull himself up to a sitting position on the cold metal slab that served as an exam table. Renetta was lying on a similar slab to his left. As he scanned his surroundings, the newfound hope that had been building at the realization he could move was cut short. Surrounding them on all four sides was a thick transparent wall that ran from the floor to the ceiling, confining them in a small, sterile square room that reeked of antiseptic.  
  
“Renetta, can you move?” he asked hopefully.  
  
He heard a series of small strained grunts followed by a loud thud as Renetta slid from the metal exam table to the floor. After a moment, she answered in a pained voice as her dim silhouette struggled to right itself.  
  
“Not well.”  
  
David eased his way to the floor and stumbled to where the curly-haired woman had fallen. Taking her arm with care, he helped her to her feet, and the pair surveyed the room with disdain. Disdain quickly gave way to confusion: Not only were there no ventilation shafts or opportunities for escape, there wasn’t even a door.  
  
“I think we’re missing something here, don’t you?” David asked, praying that what he was seeing was a result of his drugged lack of awareness.  
  
In the darkness, Renetta squinted, craning her neck as she looked around the room. She shook her head, apparently reaching the same conclusion he had. “We must have gotten in here somehow.” She paused. David could almost hear the gears turning in her head. “Transporter technology would be sketchy at best in these caverns, but that’s all I can think of.” The small woman turned, taking his hands. “What are we going to do?”  
  
 _Come on, David, be confident,_ he thought. _At least be brave enough for her._ He gave her hands a gentle squeeze and looked down into her watery brown eyes. He gave her as much of a confident smirk as he could muster, and swallowed uncomfortably.  
  
“We’ll think of something. Besides, I’m sure the rest of the crew is looking for us as we speak. Just trust me. You know I’d never let anyone hurt you, right?”  
  
“R-right,” she managed, her voice little more than a whimper. Renetta sniffled and leaned her head against his chest. “They tell us at the Academy that worst-case scenarios like this can happen, but you never think you’ll end up in one. Maybe my friends were right. Maybe I’m not Starfleet material…”  
  
“Renetta, if you’re not Starfleet material, no one is. You’re the smartest person I know. You’re kind, you’re inquisitive, and you always manage to see what nobody else can. We’re going to get out of this, I promise. We just need to figure out what exactly is going on here.”  
  
Trying to keep his own nerves settled as much as Renetta’s, David walked her slowly to the edge of the enclosure they’d been brought to. He ran a hand across the transparent surface and was surprised at how perfectly smooth it felt. There was no seam to it, even at the corners where it gently curved, only to continue in a straight line to the other side. The material, whatever it was, was only a few centimeters thick, and David reared back to kick the wall with all of his might. He succeeded only in landing himself on the floor, and shook his head in frustration.  
  
“It might look like glass,” he muttered, “but it may as well be duranium. There’s got to be an opening somewhere, right? If nothing else, we’re at least getting oxygen from somewhere.”  
  
He heard Renetta take a deep breath as she crouched down to offer him a hand up. “True. Let’s work through this.” She helped him to his feet and looked around in the murky darkness. “In a room this size, assuming there’s no replenishment of oxygen, the two of us would probably be able to survive for about a day and a half, maybe two. Our captor seems to be interested in keeping us alive for the time being, so I’m going to agree that there has to be oxygen coming from somewhere.” Renetta’s footsteps faded as she crossed the room, pausing a moment several feet away before turning and heading back. “I can’t feel a draft, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. It could be coming from up near the ceiling or whatever these walls are, they could be permeable, allowing for airflow without any noticeable openings. If that’s the case…” Her voice trailed off into unintelligible mumbling. It was nothing new to David; it wasn’t the first time he’d seen her take off on a train of thought faster than her words could keep up.  
  
“An astute observation,” came the raspy voice of their strange captor, “but I’m afraid it’s much more simple than that.” The jaundiced man stepped into view from out of the darkness, and a rectangular patch of the wall vanished with a flourish of his hand as he entered their cell, seemingly apparating back into existence behind him. “There is simply air in the chamber when I allow it, and I have yet to decide that depriving you of the oxygen you need to function would contribute meaningful results to my research.”  
  
David lunged for the alien. “Who the hell-”  
  
The alien flicked a finger casually in his direction, and David felt his legs give way. “That’s quite enough out of you,” he said with a grin. “The implants you’ve been given allow me rudimentary control over your basic neurological and muscular functions. They are, as I said, quite rudimentary, so for the sake of your own health, please refrain from making me use them. The likelihood of permanent damage increases significantly with each use.”  
  
The alien’s sudden entrance and subsequent intervention had snapped Renetta out of her logic trance. In an instant, she was back beside David, helping him up off the floor once again. “We’re not making you do anything!”  
  
“Your counterpart was attempting to cause me physical harm,” the alien replied skeptically, his beady eyes studying her intently. Renetta took a step back and David placed himself between her and their captor.  
  
“What is it you want from us? Why did you bring us here?”  
  
“There you go again, making demands,” the alien said with a wicked grin. “And trying to protect _her_. What was it you said when we last spoke? That you would die before letting her come to harm? A bold claim. And a lie, of course. I specialize in lies, you know? I was the head of psychological profiling at the Directorate, before the fools cast me out. They said I was _deranged_. I believe one of my colleagues used the phrase ‘homicidal sadist with a damaged tertiary lobe.’ I have her head mounted in my office. Oh my, I do appear to have _frightened_ you. That simply won’t do now, not for someone so _brave_.”  
  
David blinked and realized he was shaking. He tried to steady himself, to go through breathing exercises like he was back at the Academy prepping for a tricky flight sim. Renetta was certainly right about one thing: They taught you what to do in dangerous situations, but it hadn’t prepared him for anything quite like this.  
  
“Now,” the man said, his cruel grin widening to bare his pointed teeth, “take a seat. I promise my study will be easier on us both if you cooperate.”


	7. Chapter 7

Jeremy lay motionless on his bed, staring up at the ceiling in the dark. Technically, according to the ship’s schedule, it was still practically the middle of the day, but in space, that was all more or less relative. He’d told the computer to shut off all the lights, which was as good as telling the sun anywhere else to take a hike. It was one of the benefits of living on a starship, he supposed.  
  
 _One of the few benefits_ , he thought to himself, cynically.  
  
His face hurt. His eyes, his ears, his forehead, everything that had a contractible muscle between his scalp and his shoulders ached from the strain. Although he’d never been one to hide his emotions, it was rare for anyone or anything to make him cry, so the events of the past hour had left him feeling completely drained.  
  
That constant drone of the impulse engines, which was normally a source of comfort to him, had started to leach into his mind, wrapping itself around the toxic thoughts swirling in his head. For once, he _wanted_ the ship to cut its engines, something that was typically a sign of bad things to come. Now, all the low, resonating hum reminded him of was the ship’s young helmsman who would never return.  
  
For much the same reason, Jeremy couldn’t bring himself to look out the windows. Both the stars and the planet’s surface, now obscured by the widespread dust storms, brought to mind the curious young woman whose brilliant mind and sharp wit would never have the chance to make any of the breakthrough discoveries he was certain would have someday been highlighted on her record.  
  
 _And it’s all my fault._  
  
As the painful lump of another round of tears began to rise in his throat, the door chime sounded, interrupting the miserable aching that had consumed him.  
  
 _I should just pretend I’m not here. Maybe they’ll go away._  
  
After about a minute, the chime sounded again.  
  
“What,” he asked, more a command than a request.  
  
“It’s me,” came a muffled voice from the other side of the door. It wasn’t Jess. He wasn’t sure why that mattered. “Can I come in?”  
  
“I don’t want to talk.”  
  
“That’s okay,” the commander’s voice responded again. “You don’t have to.”  
  
Jeremy paused again, taking advantage of the lack of pressure to make a decision. After another minute had nearly passed, he sighed and turned over, setting his back to the door. “Fine. Come in. It’s not like you really need my invitation anyway.”  
  
The doors shushed open and shut again, blinking light into his quarters from the illuminated hallway outside. He listened to the footsteps as they crossed the floor and came to a halt, were replaced by the shuffling of a chair, and finally fell silent as the commander sat down. The impulse engines resumed their role as the primary sound in his room, and the thoughts in his head began to steadily rise back to their previous clamor.  
  
 _Why are you even here? He wanted to ask. I don’t want your duty-bound pity. I don’t want anyone’s pity. I want to be beamed back down to the surface and left to die in that sandstorm. Even that would be a kinder death than what Da-_  
  
He couldn’t bring himself to think of their names.  
  
 _I’m worthless. Worthless to them, worthless to Starfleet, worthless in command. I don’t get why anyone is bothering to comfort me. It’s not like I failed at something heroic. I just…_ failed.  
  
Jeremy drew in a deep, stuffy breath and let it out in a sharp exhale. The tears were threatening to come back again. How long was she going to sit there, the commander, and waste her time waiting for permission to speak? _I can at least not waste her time_ , he conceded to himself.  
  
“What do you want, Commander?” he asked, his voice breaking. He’d have kicked himself if he’d had any energy left to care.  
  
“It’s just ‘Shannon’ right now, Jeremy,” she corrected him gently from a couple of meters away. “I came to check on you, to see if you wanted to talk.”  
  
“I already said, I--”  
  
“I know, which is why I hadn’t said anything.”  
  
Jeremy wanted to be mad, but what was there to be mad about at this point? He’d already tried that response with Jessica, and he still wasn’t sure how much damage that had done. The tired man let out a small, defeated sigh. “Then why didn’t you just leave?”  
  
“You never said you still wouldn’t want to talk in a little while. I have time, and I wanted to give it to you.” He heard Shannon shift in her seat. “Can I come in?”  
  
Jeremy shrugged. After a pause, realizing she couldn’t have seen his response in the dark, he clarified. “I guess.”  
  
More shuffling filled the room as Shannon stood up and pushed the chair back in before walking gingerly toward his bedroom. The foot of the mattress bowed as she took a seat at the bottom corner. The woman sighed.  
  
“You know,” she began softly, “you don’t have to suffer alone.”  
  
“Why shouldn’t I?” he shot back with a ferocity that startled him. Don’t do this again…  
  
“Because, on this ship, we’re a family. We make it through the tough times by sticking together.”  
  
 _If we’re such a family, then I might as well be responsible for the deaths of my own siblings. A real comforting thought._  
  
“I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now,” Shannon continued. “I’ve never been in your position, though I’m sure that someday, I will. It’s not uncommon, especially out here on the frontier.” She shifted closer, almost as a reminder that she was there in case he’d somehow managed to forget. “You know who probably does know a bit about how you feel? Jessica.”  
  
“I know,” he said, turning onto his back and staring blindly up at the ceiling again. “She already tried to talk to me.”  
  
“Did it help at all?”  
  
“I shouted at her and walked away.” He sighed, folding his arms across his chest. “She probably thinks I’m an asshole.”  
  
“She probably thinks you’re hurting, Jeremy. I know Jess, maybe not well, but well enough to know that she wouldn’t label someone because of something they said while they were out of sorts.” Something in Shannon’s tone shifted as she neared the end of her thought. He was too tired to decide if it was sincerity, thoughtfulness, or something else, but he did know that the commander was right.  
  
 _If Jess had wanted to judge me for something, she could certainly have chosen any number of situations before now._ He turned his gaze upward to the window at the head of his bed. The planetshine from the surface below painted the metallic windowsill a soft shade of pale orange.  
  
“What am I supposed to do?” Jeremy hesitated a moment before continuing. “I want to talk to her again -- I mean, I want to try to resume the conversation we were having before I snapped at her, but I don’t know how.”  
  
“Just go talk to her,” Shannon said casually as if it were that easy. It is that easy, he thought, knowing that was hardly how it felt. Shannon’s interjection interrupted his internal rambling. “Computer, locate Lieutenant Jessica Barnes.”  
  
 _“Lieutenant Barnes is in her quarters.”_  
  
“I can’t just show up at her door unannounced, commander,” Jeremy said, sitting up.  
  
“It’s ‘Shannon,’” she corrected him again, “and that’s how I got here, isn’t it?”  
  
“You outrank 99.9 percent of the people on this ship. You can do whatever you want.”  
  
“If it’s about rank, I’m pretty sure Jess would be willing to make an exception in this case.”  
  
Jeremy frowned and swung his legs over the side of the bed, staring down at the carpet. “It’s not about rank, and you know that.”  
  
“Then what is it about?” she asked quietly.  
  
He didn’t know how to answer that. Not to himself and certainly not to Shannon. “It’s nothing, I guess,” he lied.  
  
Shannon stood up and walked out of the room. He heard her muttering something to the replicator, and a moment later, she returned, holding a small mug.  
  
“What’s this?” he asked, taking it. The warmth felt good in his hands. He hadn’t realized how cold they’d gotten.  
  
“Coffee, but wait,” she said, stopping his hand as it pulled the cup toward his mouth. Jeremy wasn’t sure where from, but Shannon had produced a small flask, which she opened and contributed some of the contents of to his coffee.  
  
“What’d you just put in my drink?”  
  
“An old Irish remedy,” she replied simply, closing the flask and returning it to a pocket. Jeremy stared at her incredulously in the dim light of the planet-lit room. Shannon laughed compassionately. “Just drink it.”  
  
Still eyeing her, he took a sip and coughed as it went down. “What the hell? Was that whiskey?” He took another sip. This one went down smoother, and he savored the burn. “Do you always carry that on you?”  
  
“I outrank 99.9 percent of the people on this ship. I can do whatever I want,” Shannon said with a smile as she extended a hand to help him to his feet.  
  
Jeremy stood, though his legs felt like gelatin, Shannon’s “old Irish remedy” seemed to be helping. Her sense of levity wasn’t entirely unwelcome either. “Thanks, Shannon.” He walked her to the door, stopping just shy of the sensor. “Your remedies always seem to help, just maybe warn me next time.”  
  
She gave a mock grimace. “Where’s the fun in that?” she asked. “They won’t work if you see them coming!”  
  
He had to smile, if only a little.  
  
“I'll give you some space,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “If you need me, you know where to find me.” Shannon pressed the panel on the wall and the doors slid open, flooding the room with light once again. “Me, or anyone else on the ship,” she added, closing the door behind her before he had a chance to say anything more.  
  
The darkness of space consumed him again, and Jeremy sighed. “Computer, raise the lights, dawn setting.” The system obliged, bringing the lights to a comfortably dim level. He paced over toward the table near the replicator and pulled out his chair, taking a seat in the silence. _Maybe she’s right_ , he thought, _maybe it is as easy as showing up._  
  
Although the visit with Shannon had renewed his spirits somewhat, it didn’t take long for the thoughts that had been temporarily quieted to begin chattering again, dragging him back down into the depths of the hopelessness he still felt at his core. _How long am I going to feel this weight? What am I supposed to do? Every time I go to the bridge or the labs, I know I’ll never be able to think of anything else. How am I supposed to just pick up and move on from this?_ Even as he asked himself, he knew who would have the answers. Jeremy finished the last of his coffee and placed the mug back in the replicator before turning and heading toward the door.  
  
“Computer, locate Lieutenant Jessica Barnes.”


	8. Chapter 8

_Mr. and Mrs. Benson,  
  
It is with deep regret that I write to inform you that your daughter, Ensign Renetta Benson, was involved in a shuttle accident on an exploratory mission that claimed her life and the life of one other crewman. In the short time that she was a part of our crew, her energy and enthusiasm brightened all of our lives, and she will be deeply missed._  
  
Raj stared at the screen absently, still stuck on the same line he’d been on for nearly an hour. He searched in vain for the words he needed, something personal about Renetta’s life to add to the painfully impersonal condolence letter that would break the hearts of the young woman’s family back on Earth. According to her Starfleet personnel file, Renetta’s parents and two brothers all still lived in Alberta, where she grew up. For a tight-knit family with no Starfleet background, so close to each other, Raj knew that the news would be devastating.  
  
 _So why can’t I make it sound like I feel their pain?_  
  
He’d never been any good at writing these letters, at any point in his long career. Still, his many years in command had given him ample experience, no matter how sad the duty was. As he skimmed through more and more of each of the young officers’ service history, he found the simple truth was that he just didn’t know either of them at all.  
  
 _They were good, promising young officers, but they were just faces to me. I’ve known so many like them over the years, I couldn’t separate them from the others who’ve served under me if I tried._  
  
The realization was like being stabbed with a knife, and Raj slammed a fist against his desk in frustration, just in time to hear the ready room door chime announce the presence of his First Officer, coming to relieve him.  
  
“Come in,” he said, running both hands through his gray hair and staring down at the cold coffee in front of him.  
  
The sound of footsteps stopped just far enough inside the door to let it close behind the redheaded woman. “Sir, are you alright?” she asked with obvious concern.  
  
Raj gestured for her to take a seat opposite him, and gave a heavy sigh. “Just struggling with these letters. As much as the losses of Mister Brahms and Miss Benson hurt, I’m afraid I never really knew them, and anything I try to write for them feels hollow.”  
  
Shannon swiveled the chair opposite him and lowered herself into it. “You never once sat down and chatted with them or interacted with them on the bridge?”  
  
Raj took a sip of the bitter coffee to hide his embarrassment. “As a Captain, you don’t get many opportunities to hold a casual conversation with an Ensign fresh from the Academy, and even when you do, they’re usually too intimidated to do anything but find an excuse to leave. No, I’m afraid that outside of orders on the bridge, I barely spoke more than a few words to either of them.”  
  
“That’s understandable, sir, but surely even in those times on the bridge there was something in the conversation you could extrapolate from.” His XO hesitated for a moment, choosing her next words carefully. “Sure, David was the quiet sort, but he certainly had plenty to say when the time arose. Then there’s Renetta. You couldn’t walk into the same room as her without feeling the eagerness she had for everything she did.”  
  
“That still doesn’t tell me who they were,” he said, shaking his head slowly. _How do I explain how I feel to someone so new to command?_ “Commander, I’ve been a starship captain for two decades. I’ve seen hundreds of fresh, eager young officers come and go, making careers for themselves. Some have died before they ever had the chance. When I pull up Renetta’s face on her record, no matter how hard I try, I don’t see someone I know personally. I see the faces of dozens of men and women who’ve been in her chair before her, and when I try to write something about who she was, I don’t know if I’m writing about the woman who gave her life for a mission I approved last week or someone under my command fifteen years ago on the _Kyushu_. If I can’t figure that out here, how do you think Renetta’s mother or father will feel when they read what I’ve written?”  
  
The woman’s shoulders dipped slightly from their squared posture. After a brief, contemplative pause, she sighed. “I’m not sure what to tell you. We can’t go back in time to change something we never did, we can only make the best of what we have right now. Nothing you write is going to change the pain the families feel. Just be sincere.”  
  
“Aren’t I supposed to be the old wise one, and you the young commander who doesn’t know what she’s doing yet?” Raj asked with a hint of a smile. “You’re right, of course. It’s just been a long time since I’ve had to do one of these, and the circumstances of the death were a lot different then. I guess I just wasn’t prepared to see us lose a member of this family yet.”  
  
“I’m not sure there’s any way to prepare for these situations, and they affect everyone differently. Life has taught me to be hopeful, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pain.” The woman rose from her seat, suddenly looking much older than thirty-two. “If there is anything else I can do for you, sir, don’t hesitate to ask.”  
  
“I will, Commander. I’ll be in my quarters for a while.” He rose to follow her out of the ready room and stopped just before the door. “And thank you. I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear.”


	9. Chapter 9

Nestled comfortably in the large moon chair in the corner of her living room, Jessica hummed along quietly to a Talavian ballad as she began the next chapter in her book. The text, an admittedly dry account of Gliesian military and cultural history, had failed to capture her attention for the past half hour, but try as she might, she simply couldn’t find the drive to do anything requiring her to get up and leave her quarters. Normally she would have found any account of a new species’ culture fascinating, but even Professor Quiran couldn’t keep Jessica’s eyes from glazing over at another long explanation of the intricacies of Gliesian cubism or yet another twist in the world’s seemingly never-ending state of civil war. _No wonder Koltak left for Starfleet,_ she thought. _Pacifism aside, how could anyone even keep track of whose side they were on?_  
  
She sighed and turned off the PADD, setting it down on the table beside her. She closed her eyes to let the soft music wash over her, but all she could think about was Jeremy’s pain-stricken face as he stormed away from her in the dark, empty lab. She shouldn’t have been surprised when he walked out on her. After all, she’d done the very same in his position, and it had taken the Captain she owed her career to chewing her out in the middle of the ship’s gym in front of a dozen other officers to make her see reason. She grimaced at the memory and blinked away the tears welling in her eyes before throwing off her blanket and easing herself out of the chair.  
  
Jessica walked the length of the small living room, sidestepping the exercise mat she kept unrolled for when she didn’t want to bother with the gym or the holodeck. Stopping at the replicator, she pressed the activation light and waited for the green “ready” light to turn on.  
  
“Raktajino, steamed.”  
  
The machine whirred, and a white mug materialized in front of her, filled with a hot brown beverage that could be loosely described as coffee. She raised the mug to her lips only to be startled by the sound of the door chime, and she swore as the drink spilled across her hand.  
  
“Come in!”  
  
The doors whisked open and Jeremy stepped inside. His usual suave demeanor had been completely shattered and replaced by an aura of discomfort that made him almost unrecognizable.  
  
“I, uh, hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he said, fidgeting with his hands as he attempted to maintain eye contact with her.  
  
“Not at all,” she said quickly, setting the scalding mug down and rushing to the door. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“I mean, I’ve been better…” he trailed off absently before hopping to a completely different train of thought. “Jess, I’m really sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, and if you want me to just leave, I can.”  
  
“It’s okay, really. You’re not yourself right now. Nobody’s going to blame you for being upset, especially me.” She motioned for him to join her inside and led him to the small couch along the back wall. “I... I didn’t expect you to come knocking, though. What’s going on?”  
  
He took a seat and immediately buried his face in his hands. When he surfaced, his fingertips dragged at the tips of his eyebrows and raked down the stubble along his jaw. Whatever was on his mind appeared to be eating him alive. Jeremy grimaced as he placed his hands in his lap. “To be honest, I don’t know where to start,” he admitted, leaning back and staring vacantly up at the ceiling. “Obviously, the crash is getting to me -- I have no idea how I’m going to sleep tonight -- but there’s something else. I just…” He cut himself off to let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t really know how to process that more than I don’t know how the hell to handle the fact that those died under _my_ command.” He tilted his head to the side to glance in her direction. “I’m being swallowed alive by my own thoughts. This just seemed like the best place on the ship I could go to drown, I guess.”  
  
“ _I_ don’t want you to drown, Jeremy,” she said carefully, setting a hand on his knee. “But I do know the feeling, all too well. They were smart, kind, and had their whole lives ahead of them, and now all that potential is gone. It’s a tragedy, and it’s hurting everyone on the ship. But the only person that feels personally responsible for their deaths is you.” She looked away from him for a moment, trying hard to keep herself from shaking. “I wish I could tell you that it’ll all get better, and you’ll accept the accident for what it was, but it’s going to hurt for a long time. I lost a good friend under my command on an away mission a year ago, and I still wake up in the middle of the night screaming, wondering if there was something I could have done differently. Maybe there was, and it really was all my fault, but I still wouldn’t be able to change it.”  
  
He shifted and sat up slightly straighter, still letting the back of the couch support him. “How do you do it?” he asked. “I mean, how do you keep going? I get that it’s the next logical step and the only way out of this, but _how_? If it doesn’t get easier, how am I supposed to just pick up my life again?”  
  
As the memory of holding Kevin’s broken body fought its way to the surface, Jessica found that she couldn’t hold the tears back any further, and her reply came out hoarse and uneven. “I wish I knew, Jeremy. I wish I knew. I tried throwing myself into my work, but then I had that ripped away from me. I guess I thought of it as punishment for my mistakes. Sometimes I feel like it’s all one big nightmare that won’t ever end.”  
  
The urge to cry bullied its way to the forefront of her consciousness and she blinked back the onslaught of tears. Suddenly, she felt herself being wrapped in a strong embrace as he pulled her tight to his chest. Jess buried her head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m supposed to be comforting you, and now I’m just giving you more of a burden.”  
  
“The only thing you’re giving me is the sense that I’m not as alone as I thought,” he said, his voice breaking as tears filled his eyes. “Everyone else I’ve spoken to has seemed so calm. It just made me feel worse like somehow I was wrong for feeling broken up over their deaths. It’s nice to know at least someone on this damned ship is human.” Jeremy let his cheek rest on the top of her head for the briefest moment before Jess felt him tense up and awkwardly loosen the embrace. “I’m sorry. I’m probably overstepping my boundaries… Getting a little carried away,” he stammered, sniffling as he hastily wiped away the couple of rogue tears that had managed to escape his eyes.  
  
“No,” she pleaded, pulling him back as he awkwardly backed away. “It’s okay. Shouldn’t we... shouldn’t friends be able to grieve together? God, I haven’t even spoken about what happened since I left the _Magellan_. I couldn’t bear to see you go through what I did just because no one was there for you.”  
  
“Okay, okay,” he said, startled, but obliging as he pulled her back against him, shifting slightly so they lounged at a more comfortable angle. Jeremy drew in a deep breath and released it slowly, letting his body relax into hers. “After the accident,” he began uncertainly, “did you ever feel like it should have been you who died? Like if you could have changed things, you’d rather have been the one to go?”  
  
“I did,” she admitted. “That didn’t last, though. Kevin, the friend who died, was shot during a diplomatic meeting that went wrong. I shut out pretty much everyone in the days after the mission, until Captain Beldon found me in the gym and gave me an ass-chewing I don’t think anyone closer than three decks away has forgotten to this day. He stood up for me when Admiral Patterson, Kevin’s grandfather, wanted me reprimanded and held responsible for what happened. After hearing what he said, and what the Captain said on my behalf, I guess I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice but to get to work and prove myself again.”  
  
“Unless you’d like to do the honors of making me regret my misery, I don’t think I’m going to have that luxury,” he quipped, though the usual spunk was unmistakably absent from his tone. His lightheartedness vanished as a tremor of grief racked his body. “I don’t know how I’ll ever set foot on that bridge again,” he choked, rocking his shoulders as he shook his head. “David was the most audacious little shit I’ve ever met.” His words were punctuated by sobbing laughter. “He never once hesitated to call me out when he thought I fucked something up. God, and Renetta. I don’t think she had a nasty bone in her body. If you didn’t know her though, that sweetness could almost seem condescending. She had so much potential -- they both did. Absolutely brilliant young people.” His fingers slipped from around Jessica’s arm and balled into a tight fist. His knuckles paled as he drew in a long, shaky breath.  
  
She let him breathe for a moment, all too aware that he needed a physical outlet for his grief. Then, slowly, she took his hand in hers and pried his fist open. “Let’s never forget that, then.” She looked up into his eyes, still red and wet with tears. “We owe it to them to be that much better because now they can’t do it for us.”  
  
“You’re right,” he admitted after a moment’s pause. His fingers curled around hers, the rugged, chapped features of his hand enveloping the blisters and calluses of hers. They shifted, sitting up to face one another. There was so much more to say, but neither seemed to know where to start.  
  
“How about a drink?” Jessica asked, in part to break the silence and in part because she’d suddenly found herself too nervous to keep talking. At Jeremy’s equally hesitant nod, she stood from the couch and returned with a pair of glasses and a large green bottle of Orion rum. She poured for each of them and offered Jeremy a half-hearted smile as she raised her glass to his.  
  
“To David and Renetta. May we carry their memory for as long as we live.”


	10. Chapter 10

David’s face contorted in anguish as another wave of convulsions overtook his body. He swallowed the scream, but every ounce of agony it conveyed had no trouble reaching Renetta. Every round of pain that the Doctor inflicted on him grabbed her by the guts and wrenched them into progressively tighter knots.  
  
Why is he doing this to us? Why do I have to watch?  
  
The tremors subsided and David fell slack against his restraints, hanging upright by the straps on the inclined exam table. His labored breathing, she swore, could be heard from the surface if only anyone was listening.  
  
“Are we tired so soon?” the Doctor asked, taking a step toward David. “You had such fire in your eyes earlier when you stepped to the defense of the other one.” He began to circle David, like a predator assessing its prey. “What is she to you? Are you related?”  
  
David lifted his head and glared at the alien.  
  
“No? Hmm,” he stroked his chin, completing one revolution and beginning a second. “Perhaps you’re merely colleagues. You do wear the same uniforms… But no, there’s more to you than that.”  
  
The sickly alien stopped behind David’s shoulder and grinned maliciously, pointedly making eye contact with Renetta before leaning in to hiss in David’s ear. “The two of you are mates.”  
  
“Leave him alone!” Renetta screamed, fighting against her restraints as she made to lunge at their captor.  
  
The alien stepped out from behind David’s exam table and regarded her, affronted. “My my, such demands. Not to worry, my pet, your time will come, I don’t doubt that.”  
  
David sucked in a hissing breath and spat on the floor. Crimson swirls trailed across the floor where his saliva landed. “You won’t lay a hand on her,” he snarled through gritted teeth.  
  
“You’re right, I won’t have to.” The Doctor smiled pleasantly as if they were chatting over tea. He held up the remote control, dangling it inches from David’s face. “I’ve already had my hands on you both as much as I’ll need to for a while. All it takes is the simple press of a button.” He moved one finger over a black nub on the device. “Shall I show you?”  
  
“No!” David screamed. “We had a deal.” He paused to catch his breath, his voice hoarse. “You don’t hurt her.”  
  
The alien shrugged and turned his back to David. “Fine, have it your way. However you choose to endure it, I accomplish my goals. I wish to know everything there is to know about the limits of your human physiology.”  
  
Renetta looked on in horror as David’s body shook with tremors as the implant overloaded his senses. This time, their captor held the button down longer than he had before. Renetta could see tears forming at the corners of David’s eyes as he kept them clenched shut. A small trickle of blood ran down from the corner of his mouth.  
  
“You know what could be interesting?” the Doctor interjected over the anguished grunts and groans of his patient. He paused and glared irritably in David’s direction before removing his finger from the button with a flourish. “What would be interesting,” he continued, “would be to test some theories I’ve had on conditioning.” The Doctor turned to Renetta with a gleam of excitement in his eyes that only a madman could manage. “What do you think?”  
  
Renetta glanced anxiously between the alien and David, who was once again slumped against his restraints, groaning. Forcing her gaze back to the nauseating sight of their captor, she vigorously shook her head no.  
  
“No?” he repeated, sounding hurt. “You don’t even know what the details of the experiment are yet.” He pressed another series of buttons on the remote and Renetta felt her body tense briefly before going weak at the knees.  
  
Her fingertips tingled and her head felt light. Pleasure… she thought in a daze. No, her mind fought against the intoxicating chemical cocktail it was producing. No, this is wrong.  
  
“S-stop,” she protested weakly. Her attention, as much as she could rally, turned back to David. What she’d hoped was a pleading gaze rapidly turned into something very different as the alien dialed up the sensations flooding her system, and her eyes rolled back as she gasped for air.  
  
“Hey,” David called out, too quietly to get the Doctor’s attention. “Hey!” he shouted, this time, his voice echoing off of the walls of the chamber. “Your experiments are on me and only me.”  
  
As suddenly as they’d seized her, the sensations stopped, and Renetta hung against her restraints, panting, struggling to remember the protocol for hyperventilation as darkness began to surround her vision in a vignette. She closed her eyes and focused on taking slow, deep breaths. The alien’s footsteps moved away from her.  
  
“I’ve honored our agreement,” the vile man hissed, no doubt with a smirk. “I did your mate no harm.”  
  
David snarled again. “You don’t get to do anything to her!”  
  
“Your kind is so demanding,” he rebuked. “You are hardly in a position to make demands.”  
  
At the sound of David’s renewed pain, Renetta opened her eyes, still feeling dizzy. The alien turned back to her and pointed the remote in her direction. Before he could press any buttons, David screamed.  
  
“No!” His cry echoed painfully through the tiny room. The Doctor turned back to him and cut the input, leaving David’s exhausted body to suspend itself from the straps once again.  
  
“You try my patience,” he said testily. “It isn’t often that I have the opportunity to work with two of the same species at once, and even less often, a bonded pair like the two of you.” The sickly-colored alien began pacing a circuit around both upright exam tables. “I tried to make things more pleasant for her, which is more than you or I ever agreed on, but you said no. Instead, it seems that you would rather see her suffer.”  
  
“No! I-”  
  
The alien turned suddenly and took David’s face in his grimy hand. “Let me finish.” Dropping David’s chin with a snap, he continued pacing. “If you insist on interfering with my studies, the only appropriate response is punishment. I was going to gradually increase it over time, but it seems you are far more eager than even I to test the limits of your feeble body.”  
  
He stopped between their beds and adjusted a dial so that both of them could clearly see as he moved his thumb over one of the buttons. “To the next level we go.”  
  
The shock of the input sent David’s head back hard against the metal slab. Renetta cringed as she watched his teeth sink into his lower lip. At first, she was certain he’d knocked himself unconscious, but as the tension in his neck released, David let out a pitiful groan. The Doctor started laughing in a low, wet, throaty chuckle as he tossed the remote in the air and turned his back to them both and headed for the shadows.  
  
“Rest now,” he said, slithering out of the exam spotlight and into the darkness, “I wouldn’t want you to get too tired.” His footsteps paused, just out of view. “And remember: If you ever want it to stop, just say the word, and I can torture her instead.” The footsteps resumed and the two of them were left alone once again.


	11. Chapter 11

“I always felt like that kid would go far someday, but, god, if he let slip the kind of stuff he said to me to someone higher up like Shannon or the Captain, he’d get a demerit at the very least,” Jeremy said with a chuckle. “That being said, I’ve got a lot of respect for the kid,” he stopped and the jovial smile of reminiscence disappeared. “ _Had_. He was a good kid, David. Solid intuition, remarkable sense for command and thinking on his feet, and a talent for toeing the line between insubordination and ‘helpful advice.’”  
  
“Hey,” Jessica replied gently, putting a hand on his knee. “Remember what we agreed to. Only positive memories, no dwelling on what happened.”  
  
“I know, I know,” he sighed, pulling his hand from his hair and placing it on top of hers. “It’s just so difficult to focus on the past without letting the present interfere. It’s hard to find anything good to say about _right now._ ” His gaze slowly drifted back from the middle distance as he spoke, and they came to focus on their hands. “I mean, there are some good things,” Jeremy said with a reluctant smile as he looked up at her.  
  
She could feel her face flush at the comment and tried to cover with a laugh. Thoughts of the two of them together had been drifting around in her mind for most of the evening, but now that it was being addressed, she found herself asking questions. Had she always felt this way? Was it real? Was it grief bringing them together, or was there something more to it all? _I don’t want to push him away, but I don’t want to hurt him either…_  
  
Jeremy’s smile dimmed slightly as concern took hold of his features. “Is everything okay?” he asked as he lifted his hand from hers. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just--”  
  
“No!” Jessica reached up and snatched his hand back. Jeremy looked startled by the sudden response, and Jessica released her grip, setting her hand instead atop his and lowering it back to his knee. “No, you’re fine. I just got distracted by a passing thought.”  
  
“Oh,” he said, looking relieved, if not a touch disappointed. “If you need time to yourself, I can head back to my quarters. I don’t want to overstay my welcome here.”  
  
“You’re not--” She stopped mid-sentence and sighed, leaning her head back against the couch. “You’re not overstaying your welcome, you couldn’t possibly. I’ve just got a lot of thoughts going through my head about different things.”  
  
Jeremy relaxed, leaning a shoulder into the back of the couch and regarding her with interest. “Like what?”  
  
Jessica lolled her head to the side and looked at him. _How could I possibly tell you everything I’m thinking?_ “Like… Us?”  
  
His eyebrows raised one at a time. _“Us?”_ he probed. “Us as friends… or was there something more to that statement?”  
  
Suddenly, the room felt several degrees warmer as Jessica fixed her gaze on the ceiling and focused on figuring out what it was she wanted to say. _I don’t know? Yes? Maybe?_  
  
Before she could answer, Jeremy resumed his own train of thought. “Because, if there was more to that… I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed.” When she still didn’t look at him, he repeated: “If there _was_ more.”  
  
Jessica shut her eyes and drew in a slow, deep breath. _I can’t decide if this is the alcohol or the misery or what. I knew there was something between us -- I mean, I thought there was, but what if I’m just telling myself that to feel better about… this?_  
  
She heard Jeremy sigh and felt the couch shift as he started to get up. “Jess, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in an awkward position.”  
  
Jeremy was lifting himself off the couch when she opened her eyes. Jessica reached out a hand and grabbed his arm, pulling him back to the couch. He dropped back down and turned to look at her, his expression desperate for some kind of answer.  
  
 _I can figure it out later._ Jessica sat up and leaned forward, planting a firm kiss on his lips. When she realized he wasn’t going to stop her, she let her lips soften. The tension of the initial surprise melted away and her protesting thoughts faded as his hand slowly made its way up her arm to her shoulder, pulling her in closer. Without hesitation, she followed his lead, gradually migrating from her seat on the couch. His other hand found its way to the small of her back, settling her on his knee. Jessica parted their lips slowly, her heart racing.  
  
“I think we’ve had enough talking for a little while, don’t you?” she asked shakily as she felt her face burning with the heat of the moment.  
  
He drew her fully into his lap and brushed a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. “I thought you’d never ask.”  
  
As their lips met for the second time, the nervous excitement in Jessica’s stomach began to morph into something entirely different. She pressed a hand against his chest and felt the rapid tempo of his heart. Long, measured breaths became shorter and more hastened as she dragged her fingertips along his scalp, cupping the back of his head as she inclined her own and parted their lips with her tongue. They leaned into one another, exploring, forgetting the world around them.  
  
His teeth grazed her lips as their tongues made another pass, and the unexpected shock of pain amidst the pleasure elicited a quiet moan. The sudden introduction of sound seemed to shift their dynamic again as Jeremy took her in his arms and shifted her weight. Jessica felt another pinch on her bottom lip. This time, she didn’t hold back.  
  
In one sweeping motion, he lifted her off of his lap and set her down on the couch as her nails dug into the shoulders of his uniform. Their mouths parted, but there was no need to discuss what came next as he leaned over her. Jessica grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him in, her fingers fumbling for the hidden zipper. They were lost in the moment right up until the combadge blared in Jessica’s ear.  
  
 _“Naazt to Lieutenant Barnes, are you busy?”_  
  
Jeremy sat up quickly, the hunger in his eyes fading into embarrassment. Jessica spat a string of Klingon curses before tapping the badge to answer.  
  
“No, Chief,” she snapped, still breathing heavily. “What do you need?”  
  
 _“I thought you might want to stop by Main Engineering. Ensign Thriss may have discovered a way through the storm. We’re pulling sensor data from the crash site as we speak.”_  
  
The mention of the shuttle crash sent a wave of guilt cascading through her like a tidal wave, and suddenly she could barely meet Jeremy’s eyes. His face paled and his body slumped against the back of the couch, and she could tell he felt the same. She stood, straightening her clothes and running a hand through her hair as she let out a heavy sigh.  
  
“We’ll be right there.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Explain what I’m seeing here, Chief.”  
  
Raj paced anxiously back and forth as he tried to make sense of the readings on the screens covering the wall of Main Engineering. On the first, the fourth body of the Makapo system was shown in orbit around its parent star, at the border between two shaded regions of space. The planetoid's elliptical orbit would soon bring it inside the interior highlighted zone, where it would stay for the three days nearest the periapsis of its orbit.  
  
Simple orbital mechanics, he understood. The remainder of the screens, unfortunately, displayed wave patterns and analyses of dust composition, radiation levels, and starship impulse engine capabilities. He had a feeling he knew where his Chief Engineer was going with the information, but that was a far cry from understanding the data itself.  
  
The stocky Tellarite opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the arrival of two slightly disheveled officers. The first, he’d expected, though Jessica’s tardiness and haggard appearance were a surprise. Accompanying her was Lieutenant Caldwell, who looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks and almost certainly hadn’t since his return from the surface. He followed closely behind Barnes, his face a mix of pain, exhaustion, and embarrassment. Raj looked back at the data on the screens and shifted in place uncomfortably. _I suppose everyone grieves in their own way_ , he thought.  
  
“Lieutenant Barnes, Lieutenant Caldwell,” Naazt said in quick and oblivious acknowledgment as the other crew members in the room stole quick glances at each other. On a ship of this size and with officers in the prominent positions Jessica and Jeremy were in, Raj knew rumors would start sooner rather than later.  
  
“What do you have, Chief?” Jessica asked irritably.  
  
“As I was about to explain,” the Tellarite continued, “Ensign Thriss may have found us a way to the surface earlier than expected. The nature of the planetoid’s atmospheric storms means every hour we delay in examining the site of the wreckage of the _Himalaya_ , more evidence to the nature of the crash is erased. If we are to discover anything of value in our investigation, a full sweep of the site should be completed in the next eighteen hours.”  
  
Raj raised an eyebrow at the Chief’s words. “I appreciate the enthusiasm behind investigating this accident, but do we expect to find anything of value when we do reach the surface? As grateful as I am to get information soon, I’m reluctant to try anything that puts more crew members at risk from the storms.”  
  
“I believe that’s where I come in, sir.” A dark-haired, hawk-nosed man in a black and yellow engineering uniform stood from his chair, nodded at the Captain, and then gestured to a screen on the far right of the display. Jack Johnson, Raj remembered after thinking back quickly to the crew manifest he’d still not quite memorized in the five Earth months since they’d departed from the Sol system. A junior Lieutenant in engineering who’d been injured a few months back in an altercation with the junior officers who went rogue trying to save the life of a sentient energy cloud _Babel_ had discovered, and almost destroyed in trying to save themselves from its draining attacks. He’d made an unfortunate decision trying to follow Raj’s own orders, but his service record was otherwise impeccable.  
  
“Do tell, Lieutenant,” Raj said urgently, motioning for him to continue.  
  
“Yes, sir. While the rest of the team focused their efforts on negating the effects of the storm, I dug into the telemetry from the shuttle itself and what limited readings we were able to receive while it was in flight. The shuttle’s ascent was as smooth as could be expected, given the circumstances, until the right nacelle was struck by an object moving at high velocity.”  
  
“We know it was hit by debris already,” Jessica interrupted. “What makes this news?”  
  
If Johnson was offended by her question, it didn’t show. “The object was too large to be a fragment caught up in the storm. More importantly, it was moving too quickly. And when comparing the sensor data from the shuttle with the change to its trajectory after impact, the object in question was moving upwards at the shuttle, from the surface itself.”  
  
The room fell silent at Johnson’s unspoken implication until Jeremy stepped forward hesitantly. “You’re saying... we were shot down?”  
  
Johnson nodded, and Naazt took control of the presentation. “This adds urgency to our investigation, and in _my_ opinion, we can’t afford to sit around and wait out the storm any longer. We’ve conducted more detailed scans of the storm, and Ensign Thriss believes she’s found us a solution to our problem. Ensign?”  
  
The young Andorian woman nodded confidently and turned to the rest of the room. “Makapo IV’s surface storms are too strong for us to safely transport through for two reasons. The first, and mostly unavoidable reason, is the sheer speed and density of the particulate matter in the air. The strength and density of the storms weaken noticeably on a regular cadence, giving us a roughly three day period between windows that allow our shuttles to descend safely. Normally, a shuttle could still make a safe trip to the surface and back with its shields up, but the mineral composition of the storm is unique, and it gives off a particularly strong electro-magnetic field that acts as a dampening field, weakening the shields to the point that a strong impact, like the one that disabled the _Himalaya_ , can be fatal.”  
  
Thriss took a step to her right and pointed at the screen depicting the planetoid’s orbit. “As you can see, Makapo IV’s orbit is highly elliptical and will be at the point nearest the system’s star in thirty-five hours. For a period of three days, starting in just a few hours, the star’s natural radiation levels will be strong enough at this distance that they will weaken the EM field generated by the storms. If we can make a few modifications to one of our remaining shuttles, we should be able to fly through the storms without too much trouble and bring an away team to the crash site.”  
  
Raj ran a hand through his beard. “I don’t like hearing ‘should’ when talking about the safety of our away team, Ensign. How confident are you in your calculations?”  
  
The Andorian shot Raj a defiant glare before quickly recovering her composure. “I’m as certain as I can be, Captain. There’s going to be a small risk, but David and Renetta were our friends. We owe it to them to find out what happened.”  
  
Raj nodded. “I agree. Chief, how soon can we have a shuttle ready?”  
  
Naazt’s eyes were hard, but he gave Raj a slight grin. “Preparations are already underway, Captain. The _Peart_ will be available in eight hours.”  
  
“Very good. I’m not sure what we’re going to encounter when we’re down there, but there may be hostile life on the surface. Miss Barnes, I want you with us. Mister Caldwell, you’re our expert on the planet. I want you there as well. Meet me in the shuttlebay in seven hours, and I suggest you use the time to get some sleep. We need to be at our best.”  
  
The entire room did a double-take. “You, sir?” Jessica asked. “Shouldn’t the Captain be-”  
  
“I know the rules, Lieutenant, and I’m sure that Commander O’Malley is going to remind me of them as soon as she hears about it, but I’ve made up my mind. Besides, you’re going to need a good pilot.”


	13. Chapter 13

“You agreed to _what_?” Shannon asked, eyes wide. There was no way she’d heard him correctly. Surely, it was just the exhaustion causing her to mishear things.  
  
Raj turned from the viewport in his ready room and gave her a flat, no-nonsense look she’d begun to associate with anyone in Starfleet holding the rank of Captain or above. “I agreed to nothing, Commander. I made the call completely. I’ll pilot the shuttle and lead the away team down to the surface to find out who or what killed two of my officers.”  
  
“Sir, with all due respect, the Captain’s place is here on the ship. As First Officer, it is my job to lead away missions.”  
  
“And respectfully, Commander, I have left away missions at your discretion without interference for the duration of our time together. Still, it’s important for the Captain to be seen leading, not sitting back where things are safe, and I _will_ be invoking my privilege as Captain for this mission. This is a potentially dangerous investigation with the threat of an unknown hostile entity looming over us.”  
  
“That threat of an unknown hostile entity is precisely why I should be the one going on this mission and not you, sir,” Shannon responded hotly. “This ship needs you -- _alive_. I fill a far more replaceable role, should something go wrong.”  
  
Raj winced at the term “replaceable” as the continued to pace back and forth. “Shannon, you’re _not_ replaceable. Nobody on this ship is, not to me. You’re a talented, capable officer who is growing into a strong leader, but there are too many variables at play for us to give anything less than our best in this mission. You’re an explorer, Shannon. You’re exactly what this ship and this crew need for our future. I’m a soldier, a relic of Starfleet’s less happy history, and in this particular situation, the mission calls for someone with experience that you don’t have. Experience I hope you never have to obtain.”  
  
The red-haired woman felt her temper cooling as she listened to Raj’s reasoning. She didn’t like it, and she supposed she didn’t _have_ to like it, but she couldn’t find anything in his statement to disagree with. Unable to argue further, Shannon sighed and folded her arms across her chest. “If you’re going to appoint yourself as the one to lead the away team, at least do me the favor of not sounding so fatalistic about it,” she said, initially without making eye contact. As the words registered with the logical part of her brain, Shannon snapped her stance and attention back to her senior officer and hurriedly added, “Sir.”  
  
Raj relaxed noticeably and managed a slight smile. “I’ll make a point of it, then. And do me a favor and drop the ‘sir’ when we’re here. I trust your judgment and I value your opinion as a key member of this crew. I wanted to hear your objections and I hope to continue to hear them when they exist. If I do overstep my authority, or make a decision that puts us at risk, I’ll need you to keep me in check.”  
  
Shannon’s tension eased as the formalities were pushed to the wayside. For the first time since she’d boarded the ship, Raj seemed almost casual. It made her wonder what the old man was like when he wasn’t on duty. Relieved that her frank statement hadn’t backfired on her, she returned the smile. “Giving some constructive backtalk as it’s needed is something I’m sure I can manage. Dropping the ‘sir,’ well, that might take some practice.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Graphic Descriptions Of Violence

The strange man had returned several times, each visit worse than the last, and David could no longer guess how long he and Renetta had been trapped down in the hellish cavern. After the first visit, the alien doctor had made him a simple promise: At any point, if the pain was too great, David could end it with a simple phrase. All he had to do was ask for Renetta to be hurt instead. He’d repeated this promise each time he’d returned, and each time David had given him the same reply.  
  
“Go to hell,” he gasped, as he felt the implant cease sending waves of pain wracking through his body.  
  
“An interesting turn of phrase,” their captor replied. “I gather from the context of your request that this ‘hell’ is a rather unpleasant location. Is the phrase literal or figurative? Do humans journey to an actual ‘hell’ for punishment or vindication, or is it a phrase used in desperation? Would you describe your situation now as a form of ‘hell,’ or have I misunderstood your strange language?”  
  
“Fuck you,” David spat, spraying the nearby alien with blood and saliva. His head felt light and his whole body was weak. Each time the doctor had come for him had been harder than the last. David had tried to walk himself through what he remembered from the Academy, but no amount of distracting himself by analyzing his surroundings or retreating into his own mind and memories could keep the pain away for long. Each time he felt himself growing accustomed to his situation, there was another setting, another type of pain, and then he would be screaming again. How naïve he’d been at the start, thinking he could shield Renetta from all of it by holding his tongue and bearing the pain. That had lasted only minutes at most. Now he didn’t bother trying to hold back his tears, his screams of agony, or the uncontrollable shakes of his muscles that overcame him whenever the pain stopped. The only thing he had left at his control was his stubborn will to spite the cruel, sadistic monster who held them.  
  
The sickly, deformed humanoid sighed and shook his head at David before reaching again for his remote. “If you wish this to continue, know that I take little joy in it. If you have reached your limit, tell me so that I can move on to finding hers. If you don’t, the damage to your nervous system will be irreparable.”  
  
When David did not reply, the alien entered a command, and the pain began again. This time, it shot through him like ice, and all sensation from his extremities vanished, only to be replaced with intense radiating pain. He tried to scream, but it came out like a whisper. When the doctor loomed over him, David tried to look away but found that he could no longer turn his head. The blood spattered on his captor’s white lab coat seemed to glisten and blur until he realized his tears were welling up in eyes he could no longer blink.  
  
“I’m terribly sorry,” the doctor said, “but for this next step I need to keep you from moving.” In his hand was a metallic device with a handle and control display similar to a phaser, but the end was round, resembling a measuring cup or an ice cream scoop. David’s mind raced, and he felt a surge of adrenaline and fear well up alongside the pain in anticipation of what was to come. The doctor brought the device closer until it took up half of his vision, and David could only be thankful that he was already blinded by his tears. He heard the flick of a switch, and the metallic scoop began to glow. He felt heat radiating from in front of his face, and then his vision went white as the worst pain yet began. He heard a scream, and for a while, he didn’t know if it was Renetta’s or his own.  
  
When he came to, the doctor was gone. As the pain finally began to subside, David slowly regained the ability to move. He blinked away his tears, but something was wrong. He could barely see, and trying to focus his vision left him with a pounding headache. The left side of his face still felt numb, and he lifted a shaking hand to rub his eye. There was nothing there to rub. His still-numb finger hit the back of his eye socket and he recoiled in horror. His stomach churned, and he wrenched his head to the side and emptied his stomach onto the sterile floor. The shakes took him again, and as he tried to shut out the world around him, all he could hear was the doctor’s promise echoing in his skull.


	15. Chapter 15

A gradually-rising tone cut through the fog of REM sleep, pulling Jeremy to consciousness as his bedside alarm hummed in sync with the simulated sunrise of the lights in his quarters. It had been a restless night of tossing and turning, cold sweats, and nightmares that jarred him awake almost hourly. Nearly two days had passed, and he felt like he hadn’t slept at all. Jeremy closed his eyes and groaned as his head began to radiate pain from the back of his head.  
  
 _I’m not even out of bed yet and I already have a tension headache starting_ , he thought with a grimace. _I wish this was all just another nightmare. It might as well be._  
  
The alarm beside his pillow began another rising tone, starting at a low hum and growing in volume as the lights grew brighter. Jeremy reached out a hand and hit the off button on the alarm device. It was an unusual set of programs, far from standard Starfleet issue, but no matter how much time he spent aboard starships, he couldn’t seem to fully adjust to the bizarre schedules and lack of sunlight to guide his circadian rhythms. If nothing else, it was a small comfort in times like these where nothing seemed to be “normal” anymore.  
  
With a deep breath, Jeremy sat up and threw back the covers. He stopped to stare down at the other side of his bed, which was empty, as usual.  
  
 _What was I even thinking? Was I even thinking?_  
  
The band of muscles along the back of his scalp twinged again and he winced. Now that his mind was firmly back in the waking world, the gears had resumed churning at full speed, drowning him in endless doubts.  
  
“Alright,” he said out loud, arguing with the voices in his head all vying for attention. “Let’s take this one at a time.”  
  
He swung his feet to the floor and stood up, shuffling across the carpet toward the bathroom as he scratched at his beard and ran his fingers through his hair. The bathroom lights came on as he passed through the doorway, and without a second thought, Jeremy punched in the settings for the sonic shower. Moments later, a barely audible ultrasonic whine filled the air. He stepped in and let the vibrations wash over him.  
  
 _Whatever happened with Jess is something we can sort out later… Or never,_ he thought. _I don’t know how much of what happened last night was meant to be forgotten and what was meant to be analyzed, so the best thing I can do is just…_ he sighed, _just assume that it was all heat-of-the-moment nonsense._  
  
The thought of their shared moments of intimacy had crossed his mind several times over the course of the evening and into the wee hours of the morning. As many times as the notion that it might have been nothing had crossed his mind, he’d never let himself acknowledge it until then. Sobering as it was, the realization gave him a few seconds of respite from the tempest of anxious thoughts. The “but what if” route was tempting, but he knew better than to entertain those ideas, especially with so much else going on.  
  
 _Then there’s the shuttle,_ his mind continued as Jeremy stepped out of the shower and in front of the mirror beside the clothing replicator. _It was shot down. There was never a crash_. He halfheartedly swept his hair to the side, styling it lazily back into place. _I still don’t see why I made it out and they didn’t_. He reached for the uniform sitting in the replicator cubby and walked back into the bedroom, tossing the clothes on the unmade bed. _It should have been me that ended up… wherever. We still don’t have a reason to think they’re even alive._ The alternative wasn’t an option, though. It couldn’t be, to hell with probability.  
  
It was far too early to leave for his meeting with the Captain and Jessica in the shuttle bay, but dressed and ready, staying alone in his quarters would feel like a prison sentence. Jeremy grabbed a cup of black coffee from the replicator and headed for the door.  
  
Stepping out into the hallway, he felt a glimmer of his old self shine through as he wondered whether or not it was against Starfleet regulations to consume beverages in the hallways. He figured it likely was and ultimately decided he’d rather try his odds with anyone willing to challenge him about it than abandon the closest thing he’d had to sleep in 48 hours.  
  
Most of the ship was still asleep. It was roughly three in the morning by shipboard standards, which meant that, aside from a wandering skeleton crew, there was hardly anyone in sight. Still, he figured, it was a far sight better than pacing his quarters, quarantined with his thoughts.  
  
 _So, if someone shot us down,_ his thoughts broke through the silence before being overtaken by spoken words. “If someone shot us down… then the transporter interference might not have been natural either… And the most likely cause for interference that might have blocked two signals but let mine through would be... another matter stream!” He stopped to pace circles in a hallway junction as his thoughts retreated inward once again. _Could that be it? Could they still be alive, kidnapped and stuck inside… where? A cave? Some kind of… alien complex? Was it a deliberate attack, or was it some kind of glitch?_  
  
Jeremy groaned and stopped pacing to take a sip of his coffee, which was disappointingly cold already. “I hate questions,” he muttered to himself as a security officer rounded the corner. She double-stepped to avoid crashing into him but said nothing. She didn’t have to. The look on her face said plenty. _I probably look like some kind of monster,_ he thought, rubbing at his eye. _Maybe I am. Jury’s still out._  
  
Several paces down the hall, his train of thought resumed. _If they have been alive since the accident, where have they been? Trapped by some kind of remnant transporter technology left by a previous survey crew?_ He shook his head at his own comment. _No, we should have picked up on any tech left lying around down in those caves. I mean, we obviously didn’t, but here we are._ “They’re _not_ dead,” he muttered to himself again as he shoved the disappointing mug of coffee into a replicator near one of the nursing stations and jammed the reclamation button. He stared vacantly as the cup dematerialized, ignoring yet another “what if.”


	16. Chapter 16

The Type-8 shuttlecraft _Peart_ bucked and kicked as Raj guided it cautiously into the heart of the storm. The craft itself was the most capable he’d ever personally flown, but even the most up-to-date Starfleet technology paired with his engineering team’s upgrades couldn’t keep the storm from doing its best to throw him to the wind. Lieutenant Barnes, sitting in the copilot’s seat, monitored the shuttle’s sensor display anxiously, while Lieutenant Caldwell sat in the back with all of the tools they’d brought for their investigation.  
  
 _“You’re reaching the edge of comms range now,”_ Ensign Thriss reported from Babel’s bridge. _“Good luck, sir.”_  
  
“Acknowledged, Babel,” Raj replied. “We’ll see you as soon as we can.”  
  
Raj pitched the shuttled down and steepened the descent, bringing the craft through the heaviest debris field as quickly as possible, then leveled off into a smooth glide toward the crash site. In a few moments, they would be able to conduct the first detailed scans of the _Himalaya_ , but the intensity of the storm overhead would prevent them from sharing the data with the ship until they returned from the surface. There wouldn’t be time to ferry data to and from _Babel_ , so the away team would need to collect as much data as possible in one trip.  
  
“Lieutenant, tell me we’re getting something useful.”  
  
“The shuttle’s halfway buried in sand already,” Jessica replied, not taking her eyes off the display. “No traces of organic material, but I wouldn’t expect to find any until we get to the ground.”  
  
Raj brought the shuttle down just meters from the crash site. The wreckage of the _Himalaya_ was spread across a range a kilometer in length, but the bulk of the crew cabin was still mostly intact, thanks to decades of Starfleet engineering advancements. The away team gathered their equipment quickly, and Raj wrapped a protective scarf around his face. As the shuttle door opened, he was assaulted by hot, dry air and sand. Throwing up an arm to shield his eyes, he marched out onto solid ground to lead his first away team in three very long years.  
  
They spent the first fifteen minutes walking the length of the scattered debris, combing through every grain of sand with their tricorders in a futile search for any sign of a body. When the three officers reconvened at the charred, twisted hulk of the _Himalaya_ , Jessica shook her head in frustration.  
  
“I don’t understand it. It’s like they were never even here. Even if there was a fire, or a plasma leak, or anything else I can think of, we’d be able to find some organic residue... something to bring home.”  
  
“You’re saying then,” Raj started, “that you can’t find any evidence they were on the shuttle when it crashed?”  
  
“I know it doesn’t make any sense, and I’ve tried recalibrating-”  
  
Raj cut her off with a wave of his hand, trying to maintain his composure as he felt the heavy weight starting to lift from his shoulders. “Relax, Lieutenant. As an old Earth writer once said, ‘when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.’”  
  
Jessica crossed her arms, unconvinced. “Sir?”  
  
“Sherlock Holmes, Jessica. It’s worth a read, despite its age. What I’m trying to say is that I think we’re about to find out what’s kept Lieutenant Caldwell so preoccupied all this time.”  
  
Jeremy looked up with a start from his own tricorder. “Sorry, sir. I was just... I’ve been thinking. If we were shot down, not taken out by the storm, then whoever or whatever shot at us probably had a reason. I... I have to believe that’s tied to everything else that went wrong. When you tried to beam us back to the ship, there was interference, right? Well, the way I see it, the storm shouldn’t have been enough to keep you from bringing all of us back, so there had to be something else. And the only other thing I can think of that would block the matter stream is another matter stream.”  
  
“You think David and Renetta were _transported_ away from the shuttle before the crash?” Raj asked. It made sense, through a lens of extreme optimism at least. Then again, what was being right worth if it still meant two of your crew were dead?  
  
“Captain,” Jessica interrupted, staring at her own tricorder. “I’m picking up a residual quantum signature. It could be from a matter stream, though not from a Federation transporter.”  
  
“Where does it lead?” Raj and Jeremy asked in unison.  
  
Jessica looked puzzled. “It, uh... it leads down.”


	17. Chapter 17

Shannon reached the end of the first paragraph of her geological report for the third time before setting the PADD down on the arm of the chair and leaning her head back with a groan. She rubbed at the bridge of her nose, feeling the edges of her eyebrows as her grimace brought them downward. _I can’t focus. I know they’ll come back -- they have to. Everything has been so meticulously planned out, and Raj wouldn’t let them stay down there even a second longer than was safe. Still…_ she sat up and looked down at the planet through the main viewer, it’s hard not to worry.

Her feet wanted to carry her in restless circles around the bridge, but as tempting as the thought of pacing was, it wouldn’t help ease anyone’s tension. Shannon glanced out the main viewer again. _We’re just orbiting. I could go for a walk._

“Ensign Thriss,” Shannon said. The Andorian woman sitting at Ops turned quickly, her close-cut hair barely shifting. “You have the bridge. I need to address something for the Captain.”

“Aye, Sir,” Thriss said, standing up with a nod. She headed confidently toward the center of the circular room as Shannon made her way to the turbolift.

_I wish I felt half as confident as she looked_ , Shannon thought to herself as the doors parted. “Deck Twenty-Five.”

Once the doors had closed in front of her and the lift hummed to life, Shannon leaned back against the paneled wall and sighed. The turbolifts and her quarters were the only places on the ship where she felt she could ever relax. She’d tried the holodecks several times, but there was always that lingering sense that someone would call her away for some menial task at any moment. In her quarters, she was safely off-duty more often than not, and in the turbolifts, she was halfway to anywhere already. Much too soon, as always, the doors opened again, releasing her into the maze of hallways and laboratories that were Deck Twenty-Five.

Her first stop was the science labs. Most of the individuals she was looking for would likely be there. Despite the frenzy of communications and lost sleep that had been the senior staff’s past day and change, the rest of the ship was running on a more or less standard schedule, and under normal circumstances, this would be Renetta’s shift.

The doors to the science labs opened with a familiar hush and Shannon stepped into the grand atrium. Despite spending most of her time on _Babel_ ’s bridge, the science labs still felt more like home to her, even though the layout on this ship was nothing like that of her old ship, the _Darwin_. _Babel_ ’s labs were gorgeous: Open layout, state-of-the-art tech, central meeting space. Her younger, pre-command self envied the members of her crew who had the privilege of working here.

Shannon stepped aside and took up what she hoped was an inconspicuous post beside a large floor plant as she turned on her PADD to review her notes. Based on several of Renetta’s reports and her shift schedule, she appeared to have the most interactions with two other science officers, one Ensign Milo Faust and the reticent Koltak Rygelix. _From the personnel files and what I know of them personally, you won’t find two more opposite individuals on this ship._ Shannon opened up a notepad on the device and made a rough outline for her interviews.

“Sir?” The sudden address startled the woman, nearly sending the PADD clattering to the floor. Shannon looked up and let her eyes climb toward the ceiling until they met the face of the Gliesian officer she’d just been thinking about. “What are you doing down here?”

“I came to speak to a few members of the science crew, you among them actually.”

Koltak’s colorful cranial frills twitched backward in what Shannon assumed was surprise. “Me? What for?”

“It’s about Renetta. I…” Shannon paused briefly as she watched Koltak’s body shift. The brilliant colors that decorated their scalp seemed to dull very slightly, and the crests that arched up from their neck and across the back of their skull appeared to go limp, losing their usual alertness. “I wanted to speak to those among us who knew her best,” she finished.

The androgynous Gliesian took a moment to respond. When they finally did, they spoke very quietly.

“Would you mind if we discussed this in the meeting room? I don’t know that I feel comfortable talking about such personal matters in front of my peers.”

“Of course,” Shannon said, ushering them toward the vacant meeting room at the center of the atrium. “I’ll black-out the windows as well.”

Koltak ducked through the entrance into the conference space ahead of Shannon, who paused near the door to adjust the opacity settings on the glass walls. She turned them all the way up, so that no one could see in or out, and shut the door. The panel was as good an excuse as any for Shannon to work out a game plan. She’d anticipated having more time before confronting Koltak about Renetta’s death, but suddenly, that was no longer an option.

_How do they process grief? Is it like how we grieve? Or is it more Vulcan?_ She glanced uneasily over her shoulder at the Gliesian, who was sitting at the table, hands folded before them, staring down at their fingers. _They’re so… calm._

“Koltak,” Shannon said with a subtle sigh as she turned toward the center of the room and pulled out a chair across from her science officer. “I’m not sure how close you and Renetta were, but I know she regarded you as a friend.”

“I think, given the opportunity, she’d have regarded everyone on this ship as a friend,” they responded quietly, not looking up.

“I think you’re right.” Shannon looked down at the PADD in her hands, screen glowing bright in the low lighting of the conference room. This wasn’t going to work. She pressed the power button and the screen went dark as she set the device down on the chair beside her. “Would you mind sharing some of your fondest memories with her?”

Koltak didn’t respond immediately. “Why?”

“Well, if it’s alright, I’d like to share them with our Captain. He’s writing letters home to the families of--”

“No, I mean why do you share happy memories in a time of loss?” they clarified. “Why do you share at all?”

Several surprised thoughts flitted past as Shannon attempted to keep the conversation moving. “It’s how we process loss, at least where Raj and I come from. Everyone handles it differently, but many of us find it easier to accept the passing of someone we care about if we can share happy memories of our time with them while they were alive.”

“But it’s unproductive.”

Shannon let slip a small sound that drew Koltak’s attention away from the table. The Gliesian caught her shocked expression before she could hide it behind a mask of professionalism.

“I’m… sorry,” Koltak said, looking back down at the table. “I didn’t mean to sound so uncaring. Asking someone their thoughts on the dead isn’t something I’m used to.”

“What are you used to?”

“Nothing. We keep working. Comrades die all the time where I come from. If we stopped to mourn them all, society would cease to function.”

Shannon wanted to reach out, take hold of Koltak’s pale blue-knuckled hands, and hold on tight. What must it be like to live in a community so familiar with loss and never once have taken the time to think about the fallen? It was no secret that Gliesians were a stern and warlike people, not much unlike the Klingons though somewhat less rambunctious. Still, even the Klingons had their death rites and mourning rituals. Vulcans, who were the most composed and internalized of all the species she’d ever met, had ways of confronting and expressing their grief, however contained it might be.

“But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time on this ship,” Koltak continued through the silence, “it’s that things are very different here than they were back home. It’s a lot to take in, but much of the change has been welcome.”

When they looked up from the table this time, their eyes were glassy and their cheeks were wet. Koltak’s nose, ears, and frills had turned a deep shade of purple, and their hands were trembling. “Forgetting the dead never felt right. They lived. They deserve to be remembered. Don’t they?”

“They absolutely do,” Shannon said past the lump rising in her throat as she extended her arms across the table, palms up. “Your hands are shaking.”

Koltak looked from their hands to hers, confused, and shook their head. “What of it?"

“Hold mine.” They did. “And squeeze. It helps ease some of the tension.”

Their grip tightened slightly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t. Just hold my hands and talk about Renetta. If you squeeze too hard, I’ll let you know.”

Koltak leaned their head back and sniffled, taking a long moment to stare up at the ceiling as if searching for hidden answers in the paneling. With a deep sigh, they returned to an upright position and closed their eyes.

“She was... so many colors.” Another pause for a sniffle and a sigh. “And she was… Like a home. Welcoming. Warm.” They opened their eyes. “She was the first place I felt safe.”

Shannon gave Koltak’s hands a tiny squeeze and nodded with a sad smile, saying nothing.

“I felt like I would never belong, not here, not on Gliese, maybe nowhere at all, but I think she knew that. Renetta would not let me go a day without making conversation with her, and at first, I hated it. She was too friendly, too nosy, too excited about nothing. I would give her one-word answers, sometimes two. That didn’t stop her. She always came back. Eventually, I suppose I got tired of resisting. That was when it started.” Koltak took a shaky breath and shifted their fingers in Shannon’s hand before continuing. “She called it ‘opening up,’ and she was incredibly pushy about it. All Renetta wanted to do was talk about me. It felt invasive. Initially, I gave her just enough information to make her take her questions elsewhere, but after weeks of being forced to recite my personal history… I stopped resisting. I think that was something special about her,” they said with a mournful smile. “She broke down barriers. Initially, I found it far more fascinating how much work she could get done while talking nonstop. Over time, I stopped paying as much attention to that and focused more on how she communicated.” The Gliesian regarded Shannon from across the table with a distant, yet unnervingly direct gaze. “You may be the First Officer of this vessel, but Renetta could get a peer to do anything for her without a moment’s hesitation.”

As Koltak took a moment to collect their next batch of thoughts, Shannon reflected. _They certainly have changed since we first met, but their viewpoint is still so tactical. It’s intriguing. It’s… honestly, it’s a welcome change, no matter how unorthodox their methods are. I guess everyone really does grieve differently._

“Most of the time, we worked cooperatively on projects here in the lab. On occasion, Renetta did bring me along for some of her leisure activities.”

“Really?” Shannon interjected before she could stop herself. Koltak seemed startled by the interruption. “Like what?”

“We... went to the holodeck once,” they admitted, sheepishly.

As much as Shannon wanted to pry, she knew better than to push the limits of her allowable curiosity, especially with someone who would likely hesitate to tell a senior officer “no.” “Was it fun?”

“I suppose so? It was unlike anything I’d done before. It sounded bizarre when she told me about it, initially, but I was outnumbered when it came to politely declining.”

“Someone else was there?”

Koltak nodded. “Thriss was with us. The two of them had apparently enjoyed the program before. They said it would be more entertaining with a third participant. Frankly, I still think the uniforms were a little… unusual.”

_No matter how much you want to ask, now is not the time for it, Shannon._

“I’ll be sure to ask Thriss for her thoughts once I get back to the Bridge,” Shannon responded. “Is there anything else you’d like to share about Renetta?”

“I would, yes, but I don’t know how to say any of it. Perhaps I would have an easier time if I’d decided to pursue anthropology rather than exobiology.”

Shannon couldn’t help but laugh. “Trust me, it doesn’t help. No amount of anthropological studies can replace face-to-face interactions like these, and the last person you want to have a one-on-one with for a prolonged period of time is a cultural anthropologist… Or a psychologist. Stick to exobiology.”

The sudden shift in tone left Koltak looking utterly lost. Shannon sighed and gave the Gliesian’s hands one last squeeze before letting go.

“No two people process grief in the same way. However it comes easiest to you is what you should focus on. Plenty of people handle their emotions differently in private than they do in front of others. I know I do. Whether you need to bury yourself in your work or hide behind botched attempts at humor the way I do, just be sure you give yourself time to reflect on the good memories you had with Renetta. It’s what we do here, and you’re welcome to join us as much as you’d like.” Shannon stood up. “If you’d like to talk, I’m happy to listen anytime you’d like, day or night.”

“Thank you, Commander.” Their gaze had dropped back down to their hands, which now lay palms-down on the table before them. Shannon picked up her PADD and slipped out of the room quietly, leaving Koltak in private with their thoughts. She kicked herself for the comment about anthropologists all the way to the doors of one of the laboratories.

Inside, she didn’t need to wait for the person in question to turn around for her to recognize him from his front-facing profile photo in the personnel files. Ensign Faust’s shock of copper hair was an untamed mess, at any length. Shannon walked up to his work station and addressed him privately.

“Ensign, I’d like a word with you if you have a moment.”

The young man looked up, his expression like that of someone who’d been caught red-handed. “Am I in trouble, sir?”

Shannon raised an eyebrow. “No… Is there a reason you ought to be?”

“Well, no, at least I don’t think so. At least… I just don’t see why you’d come all the way down here by yourself to see me instead of having a subordinate pull me aside and tell me to do or not to do something.” He fidgeted with his cuticles as he spoke.

“I came down here and sought you out _quietly_ to avoid raising a fuss.” She looked around as several heads quickly turned back to their screens. “No, you aren’t in trouble. Can we talk somewhere private for a moment?”

“Y-yes, sir,” he said, getting to his feet with such haste that he knocked his knees against the underside of his workstation. He winced, but bit his lip and said nothing.

_This poor kid is going to break something, and I doubt it’ll be Starfleet equipment._ “Milo, relax,” she said as they walked toward the small conference room attached to the end of the lab. “For the third time, you’re not in trouble.” The doors open and shut, sealing them inside the conference room. Shannon gestured for him to sit in one of the seats that had its back to the lab. “I’d like to talk about Renetta.”

The young ensign dropped into the seat with a thud as his hand slid off the table. “Renetta? What about her? Did she get moved to a different shift? I haven’t seen her lately.”

_My god, nobody’s told him?_

“Ensign-- Milo, no, she didn’t get moved to a different shift. She…” _How do I even begin? I can’t just say she died._ “There was an away mission recently, down to the surface of Makapo IV. Renetta was part of the team that flew down there. She... didn’t make it back.”

The young man’s expression transitioned through one emotion after another over the course of the next thirty seconds. From amusement to confusion to anger, then back to confusion, round and round, before finally settling on saddened disbelief.

“How?” he asked, staring straight ahead at nothing with the same empty expression Koltak had worn for much of their talk.

“Their shuttle crashed due to a malfunction or damage caused by a storm. Our transporters were only able to get a lock on Lieutenant Caldwell, who was leading the team. The storm interfered with the rest. The Captain is down there with another team right now to bring them home.” _If there’s anything left to retrieve._

“I guess that explains why he’s been absent, too.” Milo trailed off, lost in thought. “David must be heartbroken…”

_Oh, please, not-- You knew him, too?_

“Milo… David was also on that shuttle. The transporter couldn’t save him either.”

The young man’s teary eyes darted to meet hers, frantically searching her face for any sign that this might somehow be a twisted joke and the punchline was about to come. Shannon sighed and dropped her gaze. She couldn’t watch as vulnerability peeled back the years on the young ensign’s face, revealing a frightened and lost child in a Starfleet uniform. She could hear him muttering under his breath and sniffling as tears dropped silently onto the table in front of him. His hands clenched and unclenched, his breathing was ragged. Shannon closed her eyes.

_I’m so sorry._

After several long minutes, she heard the young man take a deep breath and shift in his seat. Shannon looked up. His face was red and his eyes were swollen, but his cheeks were dry. Dark blue splotches covered his sleeves where the fabric had been soaked with tears. “Sir, I’d like to request permission to be re-... to re-... to go home early, sir.”

“You’re relieved, Ensign. I’ll have your post filled for the remainder of your shift. Get some rest.”

He nodded and stood up, leaving the room with as much of his dignity as he could wrap around himself, striding quickly out the door and into the atrium. Shannon dropped her elbows on the table and placed her head in her hands. She wanted to cry. She wanted someone to hold her hands and tell her it would be okay. _That’s my job._ And it was one she knew no one could or would reciprocate for her. _Just hold it together for a few more people. It’s a small ship. Their friends are the ones who need the most comfort right now. Just… hold on a little longer_. Shannon dug her fingers into her hair and pulled. She took a deep breath and tilted her head back, forcing the tears to stay put for now. She stood and smoothed the front of her uniform as she headed for the door. _Just a little longer._


	18. Chapter 18

_Just a little longer,_ David thought to himself through the pain. _Just a little longer and someone will be here to free us. They won’t give up on us, I know it. They wouldn’t just leave us here, would they? Would they?_  
  
His eye, or rather the socket that remained where his eye should have been, throbbed. He knew it was gone, but he could still feel it there, could still will it to move, only to receive a terrible headache in reply. His vision felt wrong, felt unfocused and dim. After the doctor had left them, David didn’t try to move. He let himself lie on the surgical slab in shock, no longer able or willing to fight back. There was nothing left to fight against, just the unending promise of a deeper and longer-lasting pain, for as long as he let it continue.  
  
“David, are you awake?” Renetta asked hesitantly. “Are you... alright?”  
  
He didn’t answer. How could he? There were no words to explain the pain he felt. No words that could encompass the anger, the despair, or the loss. His muscles shook beyond his control, even now that his torturer was gone. Even steadying himself was a challenge, his limbs difficult to control, his reflexes all wrong. Even if he managed to escape back to Babel, he knew he’d never be the same again. _I can’t pilot a ship like this. I’ll be an invalid, useless to the crew. If I can’t do the only thing I’ve ever loved, then who am I?_  
  
He wasn’t sure how long they sat there in silence. The passage of time had lost all meaning. The silence ended though, as it always did, when the doctor returned. He looked different, this time, David thought. Something in his demeanor had changed. He looked resigned, or maybe resolved, as he entered their transparent cage and gathered his equipment. A chill shot down David’s spine, and his palms began to sweat. The shakes came again, and he was utterly at their mercy.  
  
“Hello again, David Brahms,” the doctor said with a grim smile. David didn’t remember giving the alien his name, but he could barely remember what he’d said during the last visit, let alone what he might have given up since they’d been captured. If he’d let slip his name, what else might he have said? If his memory was failing so soon, what else was he going to lose? He tried to think of something clever or defiant to say, but all that came out was a whimper.  
  
The doctor’s smile turned sad, as if he regretted what David had been reduced to, but his expression didn’t stop him from dialing up the device and sending a sharp pain shooting through David’s body.  
  
“I grow tired of your resistance, boy,” he said sharply. “The damage you’ve done to yourself is irreversible. If you end this now, you may still walk again.”  
  
David thrashed uncontrollably against the bed, bound only loosely, and he felt his head crack against the metal. The slick wetness of blood dripped down the side of his face, and he found a small delight in the knowledge that the pain might all be over soon. His hope was cut short, however, as the alien pressed a button and the straps tightened, holding his head and body in place.  
  
“Don’t think you can end this on your own terms,” he chastised. “You know the conditions. If you want this to stop, tell me what to do.”  
  
David said nothing. The alien frowned and entered a new setting on his control device. The pain increased in intensity, changing from sharp pains to searing burns to icy chills, changing every time he grew accustomed to one, and David channeled his fear and hatred into an unending scream, staring the doctor down with his remaining eye in one final measure of defiance. Then the pain stopped. Its absence brought confusion and uncertainty, and David grew worried. He watched as the alien set the control down on his tray of strange tools, and picked up the scoop-like device he’d used before. He walked toward David without a word, and the young Ensign’s heart sank.  
  
“No...” he begged with a whisper. The doctor stopped.  
  
“You have something to say?” he asked. The corners of his mouth turned upward, but there was nothing comforting about his wicked smile now.  
  
“Please... don’t,” David said. His voice was hoarse, his breathing pained and unsteady.  
  
“And what should I do instead?”  
  
David froze. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say the words, no matter how badly his body ached.  
  
The doctor stepped forward again, and the tool in his hand began to glow with heat.  
  
“No!” David shouted.  
  
“Then tell me what to do!” The anger in the doctor’s voice was startling, and David finally broke. He gave his reply in a whisper, as soft as he could manage.  
  
“I didn’t hear you,” his captor replied. “Say it louder.”  
  
The last tears in his body fell from his remaining eye as he croaked out his unwilling betrayal.  
  
“Make the pain stop. Hurt... hurt her instead.”  
  
Then the doctor did. And no matter how hard he cried, David’s sobs would not drown out his shame, or the sound of Renetta screaming as their captor went back to work.


	19. Chapter 19

“Is everything ready?” the Captain asked from deeper inside the shuttle. Jessica looked over the hastily assembled bag. Inside were medical supplies, emergency rations, flashlights, climbing gear, and a pair of transporter tags, in the unlikely event that the two missing crew members were found alive. Jeremy, crouched next to her, shifted his gaze uncomfortably between the tricorder in his left hand and the phaser in his right. Jessica had her own weapon holstered at her hip. Unlike the geologist, she had no doubts about her ability to use it if needed.  
  
“We’re ready sir,” she replied, zipping up the bag and throwing it over her shoulder. She and Jeremy joined the Captain at the transporter pad. “No offense Captain, but I hope you won’t mind if I beam down first.”  
  
Raj nodded begrudgingly and keyed in the commands. “We’ll be right behind you as soon as you give the word,” he said. “If anything goes wrong, use your transporter tag to get back to the shuttle.”  
  
Jessica handed the bag over to Jeremy, readied her phaser, and nodded to the Captain. The familiar blue-white field of the transporter enveloped her, and the shuttlecraft interior was quickly replaced by what appeared to be some sort of workshop. The first thing she noticed was the change in temperature. Where the surface of the planetoid had been defined by its blistering heat, this underground facility was cool and damp. She swept the area to be sure there wasn’t any immediate threat, then pulled out her tricorder. No lifesigns in the immediate vicinity, but she did pick up a strong source of energy coming from further into the complex.  
  
“All clear,” she reported through her combadge. She stepped back to give them room and watched Jeremy and Raj beam down to join her. The Captain was all business, completely focused on the mission in a way that only someone with his depth of experience could be. Jeremy, on the other hand, looked haunted. She thought back to last night, to the two of them lost in each other’s arms, and a part of her shared in his guilt. _What were we thinking? Was I trying to comfort him, or was I trying to distract myself from these memories of Kevin? Were we just using each other to cope with our grief?_ She shook the thought away.  
  
“I’m reading an energy field not far from here, deeper down,” she said. “It looks like this is someone’s workshop, though I can’t tell what for.”  
  
“Any sign of defenses?” the Captain asked. Jessica shook her head.  
  
“No, but the caverns here throw off most of my scans. The only reason I’m getting the energy reading is because of how strong it is. If there are any automated defenses, we’ll have to find them the old-fashioned way.”  
  
“Alright then, let’s fan out. Barnes, do a security sweep. Caldwell, check those consoles over there. See what you can find.”  
  
They nodded and went to work. Jessica combed the area at length with her tricorder but didn’t find anything useful. One thing was apparent, though, and that was that the facility had been used recently. Tools had been moved, tables dusted, and faint footprints were still detectable on the cavern floor. If she had to guess, she’d say there was only one occupant, but she couldn’t be sure. She moved further ahead, down into the passage that would take her below, and closer to the energy field, but as she rounded the corner she found herself faced with a thick metal door with an electronic control panel on one side. It was locked.  
  
She returned to the workshop and found Raj staring over Jeremy’s shoulder as he worked through the now active computer console. “Find anything?” he asked her without turning from the screen.  
  
“A locked door,” she answered. “I can try to break the lock, or we can cut our way through. You?”  
  
“A disturbing journal,” Raj replied. “Take a look.”  
  
Jessica did. She skimmed the logs Jeremy had pulled, detailing the accounts of a scientist in exile. From what she could tell, he had built up a research base and used stolen munitions to shoot down and conduct “experiments” on the handful of visitors the small planetoid had received over the years. She felt a knot in her stomach as she read the final entry.  
  
 _Experiment twelve, observation period seven, Doctor Kruciatus reporting:  
  
The male subject will break soon, I’m sure of it. I need to be sure of it. He has held out longer than the other species I’ve studied here, but like the others, he will submit. The presence of the female subject has been enlightening. It appears to have both increased the male’s anxiety and his resolve to bear the pain himself. If further “human” specimens can be obtained, I must recreate the experiment with them in isolation to test this hypothesis.  
  
The starship the subjects came from remains in orbit, which adds further urgency to my studies. If they elect to return and find me here, I will have to relocate and abandon my workshop, which will cost me time I do not have. Time, yes, is again my enemy. I will have to take drastic measures this time. The boy will break, and he will break soon._  
  
“We have to save them!” Jeremy shouted as he sprung from the chair. Jessica caught him by the arm as he started toward the door.  
  
“Jeremy, wait,” she said. “You’re forgetting the door in our way. Besides, we can’t just rush in there. We don’t know what’s on the other side, and if we rush in there without a plan, we could end up joining them.”  
  
“But we have to do _something!_ ” he pleaded.  
  
“We will,” the Captain interjected, silencing them both. “And this time, Jessica, I don’t think we have much room for a plan. Like you said, we don’t know what’s on the other side, so there’s nothing to plan for. And in my experience, when you don’t have intelligence to work with, the next best thing you can do is go in hard and loud.”  
  
They gathered at the end of the passage, phasers drawn. The Captain dialed his to the maximum setting, stepped back, and fired at the top of the door. Jessica took his cue and did the same at the bottom. Together, they carved out a smoldering circle, which gave way to a hard kick from the Captain.  
  
“Orders, sir?” she asked, trying to steady the nerves that always came before a fight.  
  
“I’ll take point,” he answered. “Follow my lead, stay low, and get our people tagged and back to the shuttle as soon as you can. Getting them out is our top priority.” He paused for a moment as if struggling with a decision. “And if you see the one responsible for all of this, don’t hesitate to shoot first.”  
  
Without waiting for a reply, Raj turned and led them deeper into the cavern.


	20. Chapter 20

The doctor leaned in close as he checked the restraints on the upward-tilted exam table. His inspection brought him close enough that Renetta could count every one of his crooked and rotting teeth, and she could smell the foul odor of his breath. It was enough to make her stomach churn. After several final adjustments and countless agonizing minutes, the straps that secured her wrists, ankles, and abdomen to the cold metal slab were uncomfortably tight.  
  
“It will be interesting to see how you fare compared to your… companion,” the alien said, more to the room than to Renetta herself, as he cast a dismissive sideways glance in David’s direction. He was unbound and unconscious, lying on one of the metal cots that had been serving as their beds. Most of the time, he lay still and unmoving, making Renetta question whether or not he was still alive, but every so often, he would jolt and cry out, never actually waking, as his cries faded to whimpers before giving way to silence.  
  
“This is illegal,” Renetta said defiantly. It was a weak argument, but she felt it was better than saying nothing at all.  
  
Initially, she thought he had opted to ignore her as he continued arranging his tools several feet away. After a minute, he turned to face her, a malicious grin broadening on his melted features.  
  
“ _Illegal_?” He took a step forward. “My dear girl, what gives you the impression that legality is of any concern to me?”  
  
Renetta didn’t answer.  
  
“Well? I’m curious to know. You did bring it up, after all. Surely, you must have some thoughts on the matter.”  
  
“Everyone answers to someone,” she asserted shakily. “They’ll find you. Eventually.”  
  
“Who will?” he asked, turning his back to her as he selected a scalpel from his assortment of tools and proceeded to twirl it idly between his fingers. “Did you think your friends would come back to save you?” He gestured with the blood-stained knife toward the ceiling. “They’ve gone. Your precious ship and crew left orbit weeks ago.”  
  
 _Weeks? No, that can’t be right._ Renetta felt a wave of panic press on her temples. _Can it?_  
  
“That’s right,” the alien continued with a jarringly uneven smirk. “Your shuttle crashed down during a storm. I’m sure you’ve long since been presumed dead.” His demeanor shifted as he clutched the scalpel like a flower, pityingly. “Can you imagine how your families must feel? Did you have siblings, Renetta?”  
  
“Leave my family out of this,” she snapped back, anger fighting fear for control of her mind. “Our crew wouldn’t leave us without… without checking, or _something_.” Fear was beginning to win out as doubt entered the arena. _They would check, wouldn’t they? But, it wouldn’t take them weeks to find us… would it? What if they do think we died in a shuttle crash? What about--_  
  
“What about Jeremy?” Renetta blurted. She was tired. Logic was difficult to come by when fear was so much easier to fall back on, but she had to hold out. Talking seemed to keep the pain at bay, and she knew there was no way she could endure what David had. How could he do that to her? _Did I really expect him to die for me?_ Doubt. _I thought he said he would protect me._  
  
“Anyone else on that shuttle certainly died in the crash. I made sure there was no way that craft could reach orbit. When it came back down to the planet’s surface, I’m sure it spread your fellow crewman for kilometers across the surface.” His smile had grown so aggressive that it was contorting his face into a horrifying mask. Melted features mingled with warped lines to create something wholly unrecognizable as humanoid. “If anyone came down to look for you before the sands of Makapo IV devoured them forever, they wouldn’t have been able to tell your friend from either of you. Dead on arrival.” He shrugged dismissively and set the scalpel down. “Nothing left to say.”  
  
As he began to approach her, the alien doctor reached one hand into the pocket of his lab coat and produced the remote that Renetta had become all too familiar with as a bystander. His body language shifted again as he slipped into his analytical persona. The true testing had begun.  
  
 _Stall, stall, stall!!_  
  
“Y-you know, male and female psychology are very different…”  
  
The waxy-looking grotesque of a man halted in his tracks. “Oh are they?”  
  
“A-absolutely. You can’t tor- _study_ me the same way you studied David. It would… be a waste of your time.”  
  
He slowly lifted his arms and crossed them over his chest, still holding the remote. “Go on.”  
  
“Well, uh, women are… gentler and, uh, more emotional. We’re _soft_. That’s what our history books have always said. Delicate.”  
  
The flesh of the doctor’s face raised where an eyebrow should have been. “What are you suggesting?”  
  
 _I didn’t expect to get this far. Shit shit shit._ “You already have an idea of how far a human body can be pushed... M-maybe you should test the mind instead?”  
  
His face lit up. “Psychological evaluation! Oh yes, a very astute suggestion. I would gladly take advantage of such diversity, particularly at one’s own insistence. Very good, Renetta, very good indeed.”  
  
Renetta felt her shoulders relax as relief swaddled her for a beautiful, fleeting moment. _Thank good_ \-- “What are you doing?” she asked hurriedly as the doctor turned and began making adjustments to the controller in his hand.  
  
“I am preparing for a psychological evaluation. Now, if I had a full map of your neural networks and an understanding of how your species’ brains processed emotions, this procedure would be significantly more fine-tuned, but!” he punctuated his statement with a flourish as he turned around and closed the panel on the device, “this is novel research on the brink of new discoveries. What we require, we do not have, but what we do have,” he pressed a button, “is a little ingenuity.”  
  
In an instant, Renetta’s body felt like it was filled with radio static. Every nerve in her body tingled from her neck down to her toes. “What is this?” she asked, trying to hide the panic in her voice.  
  
“Oh, nothing really,” he said with a shrug as he adjusted a dial. “I’m just curious to see how you respond to various stages of paralysis.”  
  
 _Paralysis_?! Her toes numbed, then her feet, then her ankles and legs up to her knees. She tried to move them, but she felt no response. “Why are you doing this?”  
  
The melted man shook his head. “So many questions.”  
  
As dead nerves slowly replaced the tingling, now making its way up her torso, Renetta felt her mouth go slack. Then her tongue. The numbness in her body stopped just below her ribcage. Unable to speak, she looked to the monster with the controller.  
  
“There now. Much better.” He slid the controller back into his pocket and approached the exam table. Renetta tried to flatten herself against the metal, but without leverage from her lower body and with the restraints digging into her arms, there wasn’t much she could do to move. She felt a wet spot growing on her chest as a stream of saliva began to trickle from her slack jaw.  
  
“Your fortune is my misfortune,” he began, circling. “This crude attempt at replicating David’s condition is the best I can manage in a pinch to give you an idea of how he felt.” The doctor paused in front of her, a pensive look on his face as he reached into his pocket. “No, no. I can do better…”  
  
The sudden return of feeling to Renetta’s lower body and mouth was distressingly hot as if she’d stepped into a pool of boiling water. The sensation began to fade quickly, but it was soon replaced by a new, horrible experience. Knives. Burning, searing knives felt like they were cutting lines every which way across her body. Itching followed. Next came bitter cold, and that was when she realized she’d been screaming.  
  
“This is only a tiny glimpse of what your friend over there had to endure. He did it for you. He tortured himself for _you_.” The sensations ceased, and the doctor stepped forward and leaned in close. “He lost everything. _For you_.”  
  
“No!!” Renetta screamed, the cries of agony morphing into body-wracking sobs.  
  
“Oh, but he did.” The alien gestured over to David’s shaking form, curled in the fetal position over on one of the beds. Renetta couldn’t tell if it was another bout of fits in his sleep or if her screaming had woken him up. “Just look at him. He’s been reduced to nothing. Irreversible nerve damage, permanently altered vision, physical and mental anomalies he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life.” The doctor stood up and shrugged his jacket back into its appropriate position. “That is, of course, if the trauma doesn’t kill him before his time.”  
  
Renetta couldn’t speak. _I did this to him. No, he did this to me._ The same two thoughts circled around and around in her head, on an endless loop, repeating over and over until the alien’s voice broke through its monotonous drone.  
  
“You see, Renetta, for you, the pain will be very different. It’s just as you said, the female human psyche is very--”  
  
“Give me pain.”  
  
“Excuse me?” he said, sounding genuinely surprised.  
  
“Give me something physical… to make the mental… _whatever_ \-- mean something.” The threat of tears was choking her now. “Just give me pain.”  
  
The alien blinked once. Twice. “As you wish.” He drew the controller from his pocket, adjusted the dials, and pressed a button.  
  
Agony enveloped her. Burning needles sinking into her flesh from all angles. It hurt, and it drove the pain of responsibility from her mind. Renetta screamed, and tears began to flow freely down her cheeks. As she ran out of breath and began to draw another, the pain intensified, and the air caught in her throat before the screaming began again. Her head ground against the metal slab as her neck and back arched. Amidst all the noise, she heard a bang.  
  
The torment continued, and Renetta remained pressed against the exam table, her muscles frozen in place. She ran out of air again. Her throat hurt. There were noises in the room around her. Clattering of metal utensils against the ground, the bang of a table being knocked over, footsteps. So many footsteps.  
  
“How do I stop this thing?!” snarled a familiar voice. A woman’s voice. “You! Make it stop! Whatever you’re doing to her, make it stop _now_.”  
  
A moment’s delay and the pain ceased. Renetta felt her body slacken against the restraints. She wanted to cry. She wanted to open her eyes and look around the room and see what was going on. Nothing responded. Not even the thought of paralysis could stir her.  
  
Phaser fire screamed through the air nearby. “Son of a bitch!” More shots. Clanging and the sound of some kind of electric buzzing. More shots. “Dammit! Captain, he’s getting away!”  
  
“Let him run.” _Captain Murali._ His voice was close. Behind her. Renetta felt blood flow return to her hands as her wrists were freed one at a time. “Barnes, get over here and tend to Mister Brahms.”  
  
“Aye, sir.” Footsteps crossed the room.  
  
“Renetta, can you hear me?” Another voice, this time in front of her. The band securing her torso to the table loosened and she fell forward into a solid body. The voice was familiar, but her head hurt too much to figure out who it was.  
  
“David, I--” she tried to speak, but the words ached in her throat, and she started to cough. The arms holding her shifted her weight so one hand could rub her back.  
  
“He’s going to be okay. You’re both--”  
  
The woman swore in Klingon. “He’s missing an _eye_!”  
  
“What?!” The body holding her rumbled and then shook with a shiver.  
  
“He is missing. A fucking. _Eye_.”  
  
“Barnes!” the Captain snapped. “Focus. Get the transporter tag on him and get him back to the shuttle. You can swear about it later.”  
  
“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”  
  
At some point during the exchange regarding David’s state, Renetta’s legs had been freed, and she was being held by the yet-unidentified person. _I’m so tired._ Something pressed against the front of her shoulder.  
  
“Caldwell, get them both situated on a shuttle and make sure Barnes doesn’t decide to beam back here at the last second. I’ll be there shortly.”  
  
“Aye, sir.”  
  
 _He came back… He’s okay…_  
  
The sound of the transporter field surrounded her, and Renetta let the last threads of her consciousness slip from her grasp.


	21. Chapter 21

Shannon was back on the bridge, PADD in hand, reviewing the notes she had taken after her conversations with the crew about David and Renetta. Through the interactions, Shannon felt she’d gotten to know more about both Ensigns, and the realization highlighted the fact that she, too, knew very little about _Babel_ ’s crew, even those who spent a significant amount of time on the bridge. Her little scouting exercise had left her feeling more sympathy than she’d expected for Captain Murali. In hindsight, her criticism of his distance from the crew felt incredibly hypocritical.  
  
“Sir,” Thriss called from the Ops station. “I’m picking up a vessel leaving the planet’s surface.”  
  
Shannon stood up and walked over to see what Thriss was looking at. Sure enough, the readings did indicate a ship making its way to orbit. “Is it the shuttle?”  
  
“If it is, they’re going the wrong way and it’s about doubled in size.”  
  
“Do we have a visual?”  
  
“No, they’re on the other side of the planet.”  
  
 _That doesn’t seem right._ “Any news from the away team?”  
  
Thriss shook her head. “Not as of yet. You’d be the first to know.”  
  
“Helm, set in a course to pursue the vessel,” Shannon ordered, walking back to her seat. The helmsman nodded and _Babel_ lurched into motion.  
  
“Are we just going to abandon the away team?” Thriss asked pointedly. “They could return any minute.”  
  
“I gave my orders,” Shanon snapped. “Follow that ship.” _There was nobody down there -- or there shouldn’t have been, anyway. This isn’t right._  
  
As _Babel_ rounded the horizon, Thriss spoke up. “We have a visual of the ship.”  
  
“Put it on the main viewer.”  
  
Just past the curvature of Makapo IV, a small vessel careened away from them, a mere pinprick in the blackness of space beyond.  
  
“Hail them,” Shannon said. The ship’s computer chirped compliantly.  
  
“No response,” Thriss said as the computer gave a dissenting tone.  
  
“Open a channel.”  
  
As Shannon completed her order, Thriss cut in. “Sir, they’re powering up warp engines.”  
  
“Helm, can we get within tractor beam range? Anything?”  
  
The helmsman shook his head but proceeded to press buttons furiously. On the main viewer, the speck of light-colored metal disappeared in a flash of light, leaving behind a skid mark of twin particle trails.  
  
“We’ve lost them, Commander,” Thriss said, apologetically.  
  
 _Damn it_. “Bring us back to our former position in orbit and hold there, as we were.”  
  
“Aye, sir,” the helmsman replied. Shannon couldn’t tell if he sounded relieved or disappointed.  
  
 _What was that ship, and where were they going? Or rather, where did they come from?_


	22. Chapter 22

Raj watched as Jessica and David dematerialized, leaving him alone in the underground facility. He held the phaser close and took off at a sprint after his prey. _Target is headed south on foot. He’s injured but appears to be moving quickly._ _Combat capabilities unknown._ His special operations training was coming back to him now in a flood, and the rust of his three years of retirement seemed to finally be gone. He vaulted over an upturned table and ducked as a beam from an energy weapon shot toward him. He returned fire in a quick series of shots, intended not to hit his target but to keep him from attacking as Raj rushed forward through the hallway.  
  
He reached a junction and took cover behind the wall, only to hear the door at the far end of the hallway seal shut. The alien had gotten to the other side and sealed himself in. Abandoning cover, Raj rushed to the doorway. Unlike the one that had barred his away team from entering the lab where the alien had been conducting his experiments, this one was thinner and less secure. It only took him seconds to cut through the locking mechanism with the phaser, but that had been more than enough time for the doctor to get away. Raj stepped into the small room and immediately recognized the layout of a transporter room, though this was certainly smaller than the ones found on Federation starships, with only a single pad for beaming to and from some predetermined location. He stepped forward to the controls, intending to follow his target to wherever it was he’d gone, when he heard a faint ticking noise. He ducked down to the underside of the console, and what he saw filled him with dread: a small, rectangular blinking device, fastened hastily to the control console.  
  
Raj tapped the emergency beam-out signal on his transporter tag and saw the beginning of the explosion engulf him just before he was whisked away by the blue energy field. He materialized on the shuttle and fell backward against the wall, hammered by a shockwave from an explosion, which was now several kilometers away, that had been milliseconds away from claiming his life. He took Lieutenant Barnes’ outstretched hand and let her pull him to his feet.  
  
“Did you get him?” she asked. Raj shook his head.  
  
“He got to a transporter pad and beamed away. He left me a parting gift that took out the pad, the room it was in, and likely most of the hallway too.”  
  
“Damn,” the Lieutenant replied, clenching her fists. “We’re set here, then, when you’re ready.”  
  
Raj saw the two Ensigns, both thankfully unconscious, strapped onto medical beds in the back of the shuttle. Lieutenant Caldwell stood over them, his face grim but focused, medkit still in hand. Raj took his seat in the pilot’s station, and Jessica settled in next to him.  
  
“What’s their condition?” he asked.  
  
“They’re stable,” Jeremy answered,” though David is pretty badly hurt. I don’t know the full extent of the damage, but the sooner we get him to Doctor Dupont, the better.”  
  
Raj ran through the pre-flight checks faster than he’d ever done them before and shot up into the sky. He checked the chronometer and was relieved to find that they still had plenty of time in their small window to safely pass through the storm overhead. The shuttle began to shake as they plunged upward into the storm, and with each shake, he wondered if he’d made some mistake, some error that would bring them all crashing back down.  
  
“We’ve got incoming projectiles!” Jessica shouted moments before the proximity alarms went off. Raj threw the shuttle into a dive and rolled as the first of two missiles flew over him. It exploded in a ball of fire as the storm tore into it, and he had to pull the shuttle up to keep from being hit by the shockwave. Raj pushed the shuttle to the brink of its limits as the second missile tailed him.  
  
“It’s gaining on us,” Jessica reported as they made their mad dash for space. Raj didn’t bother trying to dodge it at this point. Any turn he made would just give the missile the time it needed to catch them. All they could do now was hope to outrun it until the storm ate away at its hull and triggered the explosive, or until it ran out of fuel and fell back to the surface below. The proximity sensor counted down as it grew closer and closer until finally the missile surrendered to the storm and detonated eighty meters below them. The shuttle shook slightly from the blast, rocking them through the last several meters of the storm and out into the black of space. Raj let his shoulders loosen as he opened up a comm channel.  
  
“ _Peart_ to _Babel_ , we’re inbound with wounded. Get ready to beam Ensigns Brahms and Benson directly to Sickbay.”  
  
 _“Captain, did you say you have them?”_ came the voice of Commander O’Malley. _“They’re both alive?”_  
  
“We have them, Commander,” he repeated. “And we’re on our way home.”


	23. Chapter 23

The next two days were a blur, and David slipped in and out of consciousness for most of it. He heard voices, some familiar and some not, and watched flashes of light from medical scanners as his thoughts wandered. He was safe. He was alive. He was broken. Even before Doctor Dupont gave him a final diagnosis, he knew things would never be the same for him, physically or emotionally. _And Renetta... she’ll never forgive me,_ he thought to himself as he felt a pain in his heart.  
  
He’d seen her just once since they’d been beamed aboard, and to say he was conscious at the time would have been an exaggeration. What he did remember, lying on a medical bed in the same room, was the sound of her uncontrollable sobbing. She’d woken with a start and begun screaming immediately until the nurses rushed to her aid. One had sedated her, and for the next few hours, she alternated between sleeping and crying, not saying so much as a word. Then he’d fallen asleep, and when he awoke she was gone.  
  
“David, are you with us?” came the doctor’s voice. He jerked forward as Doctor Dupont’s question brought him into focus.  
  
“Sorry, Doctor. I was just thinking.”  
  
“I’m sure you’ll be doing a lot of that,” she replied. Her eyes were sad and weary, and her greying brown bun was coming loose. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She glanced down at the PADD in front of her and her mouth twitched, momentarily unable to hide her frown.  
  
“How are you feeling?” she asked, trying to divert his attention. He tried his best to play along, looking for something positive before the news he knew he was about to hear.  
  
“Better than yesterday. I’ve been awake a bit more. Trying not to fidget with this.” He raised a hand to point casually at the bandage that covered his missing left eye. “How long will I have to wait to get a prosthetic?” he asked hopefully.  
  
Clara sighed, and David braced himself for the worst. “Ocular implants have come a long way in the last few decades, David, but I’m afraid your case is somewhat different.”  
  
“Different how?” he asked. He leaned forward, pleading for some glimmer of hope. He got none.  
  
“David, the torture you went through targeted your nervous system. It did widespread damage to your entire body, and not all of it can be regenerated.” Clara set the PADD down on the biobed and set her hands down gently beside David. “Your optic nerve is almost gone. I’ve done the best I can with the resources I have on hand, but there’s nothing more that Federation medical technology can do. You’re going to have to learn to work with your remaining eye alone.”  
  
David pushed himself to his feet. “There’s got to be something you can-”  
  
“David, wait!”  
  
David felt a twinge in his legs and collapsed to the ground. He groaned as Clara helped him back to the bed, where he sat, betrayed by his own body.  
  
“The damage to your nervous system didn’t just damage your eyesight,” she continued. “You have widespread trauma, and you’re lucky you aren’t paralyzed. Now there are treatments available, and with time and therapy, you may be able to gain back most of your strength and ability, but it’s not going to be easy.”  
  
“Most of my ability, Doctor? What about my reflexes, hand-eye coordination? I couldn’t even hold a drink this morning without it slipping through my fingers!”  
  
Clara stared down at the floor for a long time. “David, I’m sorry. What they did to you down there has permanently altered your physiology. I can get you back to walking, maybe even running, but you’re going to be slower than you were before. You’ll have to change how you act, how you think about movement. You’ll need to be more deliberate with your actions, less instinctive. Still, I’m confident you’ll be able to live a full and meaningful life despite the disability.”  
  
 _Slower. Deliberate. Disability._ The words hammered at him, blow by blow until the naïve façade shattered. He ran shaky hands through his hair and let out a defeated breath.  
  
“I’m never going to fly again, am I?”  
  
Clara gave him a look of pity. “I don’t know, David. Not the way you could before, but maybe...”  
  
“Don’t lie to me, Doctor,” he said through clenched teeth. “Just tell me straight.”  
  
A tear ran down Clara’s cheek. “I don’t think you will, no.”  
  
David nodded. “Thanks, Doc. I... I think I need to be alone for a while. Is Renetta doing okay?”  
  
Clara nodded, but she put up a mask that was clearly holding something back. “She had far less physical trauma, and I expect her to recover fully. It’ll take time for both of you, though, and the emotional wounds are just as deep. Try to understand that, and be patient with her, too. I’ll give you some space, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”  
  
She rose from her chair and left David alone in the isolation ward. That was it, then. His whole career, his reason for being out here on the edge of known space, gone. One mission gone wrong, and the joy of flight ripped away forever. He’d joined the Academy for it, left the Academy for it, and finally returned to Starfleet for the dream of going where no one had before, at the helm of the best, the fastest, the most advanced ships the galaxy had ever seen. Now he’d never do it again, and he found himself rudderless in a stormy sea, with nowhere left to go.


	24. Chapter 24

Shannon walked through the doors of Ten-Forward, still feeling slightly unnerved by the air of normalcy around the ship. Since the return of the missing Ensigns two days ago, everyone who seemed content to settle back into their normal routines as if nothing had happened. _Well_ , she thought, _almost everyone_. Lieutenant Caldwell still seemed incredibly out of sorts. She hadn’t yet had the opportunity to speak to him in-depth about what happened, but she knew him well enough to guess that he still felt personally responsible for what had happened to David and Renetta.  
  
A table for two sat vacant in the back corner of the lounge, nestled between a floor plant and the windows looking out on the starfield streaming past as _Babel_ made its way to its next destination, a nearby Wolf-Rayet star that would provide the science teams with a welcome distraction from recent events. Shannon pulled out the chair with its back to the wall and settled in with a PADD, keeping one eye on the door. A member of the waitstaff stopped by to take her order: Coffee, Irish. She was about to flag the departing waiter down to change the order to an espresso when Captain Murali entered the room. Shannon settled back in her seat and waited for him to find her. When he did, she nodded to him.  
  
“Good morning, Commander,” he said as he took a seat opposite her. “Or is it evening now? With all that’s happened over the last few days, I think I’ve lost track.”  
  
“You and me both,” she replied with an exhausted sigh. “I’m just glad we’re on our way out of that system.”  
  
“How are you holding up?” he asked as the server returned with Shannon’s coffee. He placed an order for his own and waited for the server to depart before turning back to her.  
  
“Better than some, it would seem. Lieutenant Caldwell seems to be pretty shaken up by the whole incident. I worry about Ensign Brahms, but they’re both bright young individuals. I’m sure they’ll grow from this experience, no matter how horrific it was.” Shannon paused to take a sip of her coffee, realizing she hadn’t actually answered the Captain’s question. “I suppose the most honest answer I could give you is that I’m worried. Rather, I’m concerned. I’m concerned about how the incident will affect the morale of the crew and I’m concerned by the fact that, despite being out here for months already, you and I know very little about those whose lives are in our hands.”  
  
He sat quietly for a moment as if lost in thought. Finally, he leaned back against his chair and met her eye. “Your concern is well-founded. A deep space assignment is quite different from a patrol ship or research vessel safe inside Federation territory. We spend so long cut off from those we know, cut off from aid or comfort or family, and we have to learn to lean on each other for support more than we may be comfortable with. While no one could have predicted this tragedy, something of its kind was inevitable. As command officers, we have to find a way to use the events of the past few days to bring our crew closer, rather than push them apart. Though I suspect there are some who are already learning that lesson.”  
  
“How do we reassure crew members who are afraid that something like this might happen again?” Shannon asked the question as an honest inquiry, but also as a veiled attempt to ease her own mind.  
  
“We don’t,” the Captain replied sternly. “What happened to David and Renetta could happen to any of us, on any mission. That’s part of the risk that comes with the uniform. What we remind them of is what we did after the crash. It took a great deal of effort and resolve to find evidence of the attack, to find a way to the surface, and to bring our people home. At every single step, we could have given up and no one would have questioned us, but we didn’t. I think you’ll find that the actions we take to protect our fellow crew go a lot further in raising morale than any words of comfort.”  
  
Shannon picked up her cup and attempted to drown her remaining anxiety in the coffee. He was right, of course. She knew that. There was no better reassurance they could honestly offer anyone on board besides the knowledge that should something similar happen to them, the crew would work tirelessly to bring them home. It wasn’t as nice as being able to tell them that nothing like that would ever happen again, but there was no sense instilling anyone with a false sense of security. They were on a risky mission into the unknown regions of space beyond Federation borders. It was a unique opportunity for adventure and new discovery, but the dangers were real and ever-present. It was something she and the rest of the crew were having to accustom themselves to on a daily basis, and for the most part, it had been a surprisingly smooth transition.  
  
“What are your thoughts on Lieutenant Caldwell?” she asked, shifting the direction of the conversation, realizing after she’d spoken that there hadn’t been a preface to the question. “I mean, with regards to his performance under pressure and given new situations and responsibilities lately.”  
  
Raj raised an eyebrow at her, taking a sip of his own coffee. Shannon hadn’t even noticed the server return and chastised herself for her lack of focus. The mission really had been weighing on her mind.  
  
“The Lieutenant reports directly to you, Commander, not to me. Are you looking for my evaluation of the away mission, or trying to confirm something already on your mind?”  
  
“Both.” _No, it’s not._ She paused and amended her response. “Well, actually, I’ve been thinking about the arrangement of our science teams and the senior staff heads. Our science crew is particularly large and diverse, as one would expect for a vessel like _Babel_ …” Raj’s other eyebrow began to creep higher as Shannon’s explanation dragged on. She hurried to her point. “I think we need a proper head for our science divisions.”  
  
The Captain took another sip of his coffee and smiled. “You know, when we first set out from Mars, I figured it’d be a month before you made that request. Here we are five months later, and you’ve finally picked up on the key to command: Delegation.”  
  
“With all due respect, sir, I didn’t realize until very recently that it was my place to delegate anything to you.”  
  
Raj let out a deep, genuine laugh. “Shannon, I never intended for you to handle the role of First Officer and Chief Science Officer at the same time. I did, however, want you to get a feel for each of the department heads before making a decision on how it should be, both because that person will be reporting to you and because, as a new command officer from a science background, I wanted you to feel comfortable giving that role over to someone else. As far as Lieutenant Caldwell is concerned, I think he’s a fine officer with a talent for leadership that he hasn’t quite embraced yet. I figured he’d be your choice when the time came, though I worry a promotion right now wouldn’t sit well with him. He’s still shaken from what happened to the two Ensigns, and I think he’ll need some help to get back on his feet.”  
  
“I agree that we should give him time,” Shannon concurred, finishing the rest of her coffee. “As for help getting back on his feet again, Lieutenant Caldwell is a popular man. He has no shortage of peers and friends who are there to look out for him. I’ll make myself available to him, should he need anything, but when it comes to the support of a close friend, I have a feeling he’s already well taken care of.”


	25. Chapter 25

Jeremy sat on the couch in his quarters, fiddling with a metal logic puzzle that he kept on his coffee table. It was one of those idle comforts that he found helped him think. His thoughts bounced back and forth between relief that the two young Ensigns were back on the ship and guilt that they hadn’t been brought back in one piece. Renetta had, but even from the few conversations the two of them had shared in the past couple of days since their return, he could tell whatever had happened down there had changed her. Jeremy, as of yet, hadn’t been able to speak to David.  
  
Another thought prodded at the back of his conscious mind, but before he could allow it a moment’s attention, the door chime sounded.  
  
“Come in,” he said, still staring down at the tangled metal matrix in his hands, fingers working furiously to pull it into its completed star shape. He’d nearly managed to push away his other concerns when Jessica walked into his quarters. His fingers slipped and the puzzle fell from his hands and onto the floor. Jeremy scooped it up and got to his feet, setting the pile of metal on the table as he walked over to greet her.  
  
“Jess, I didn’t know you were stopping by,” he said, sounding surprised.  
  
“I wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing.” She gestured to the puzzle lying in a mangled heap on the table. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”  
  
Jeremy glanced over his shoulder. “No,” he turned and walked back over to the couch, pushing the linked shapes aside. “No, I was just thinking.”  
  
Jessica followed him to the couch and sat down on the opposite side. “Thinking about… David and Renetta, I’m guessing?”  
  
He nodded and leaned his head back, angling his shoulders toward her. “I’m relieved that they’re back on _Babel_ and safe, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m responsible for what happened to them.”  
  
“Jeremy, even if it was your fault -- which, with all the evidence we’ve seen, it wasn’t -- I don’t think either of them blames you for it.” She reached out a hand and placed it on top of his. “Have you spoken to them since they got back?”  
  
He glanced down at their hands and felt those thoughts at the back of his mind start to get restless again. _That’s not why she’s here_. “Renetta and I have talked.”  
  
“And?”  
  
“And… She seemed different, but other than sounding more closed off than usual, I didn’t sense any hostility. David has been unreachable.”  
  
“The kid lost an eye and who knows what else, I don’t exactly blame him for wanting to be alone.” Jeremy flinched at the reminder, and Jessica sighed and squeezed his hand. “The point is that they’re safe now. You can stop beating yourself up over what happened. It’s only going to hold you back.”  
  
He knew she was right, but something in her tone implied a different meaning to her final statement. Jeremy took her hand in his as he sat up and turned to look at her. “Jess, I get the feeling that comforting me isn’t entirely what brought you here.”  
  
Jessica’s face took on a faint red hue. “That’s not necessarily true.”  
  
All at once, the thoughts that he’d been working so hard to keep at bay came stampeding to the forefront of his mind. Jeremy raised an eyebrow and regarded her with disbelief. “You’re a terrible liar.”  
  
Jessica stood up and closed the space between them, seating herself comfortably in Jeremy’s lap, one knee on either side of his body. She leaned in close, resting her arms on his shoulders, and smiled. “Only when I want to be.”  
  
As if no time had passed between their last encounter, the two of them picked up where they had left off before, this time, without risk of interruption or rebounding guilt after the fact. Their lips met, their hands wandered, and their bodies came together in a tangle of heat and urgency. Whether it was comfort or merely physical connection they sought in one another, neither seemed to care about working out the details.


	26. Chapter 26

Renetta stood outside the holodeck, fiddling with the sleeves of her sweater. It was newly-replicated, but already, she’d managed to pull out the stitching on her left cuff and had begun systematically unraveling the weave of the fabric. He was late.  
  
 _I can’t do this_ , she thought, undoing several more loops as the leading string gave way with a series of satisfying plucks. _I can’t not do this either_. Footsteps coming down the hall at an uneven pace tore her attention from her fraying sleeve. The sight of David made her stomach churn, not out of disgust, not for him anyway. She could hear the screams echoing in her memory, she could see, in flashbacks, the filthy tools, and she could smell the sour disinfectant that had permeated the room. For those moments lost in the past, she forgot David was there.  
  
By the time she returned to reality, he was taking his last steps toward her. Renetta tried to meet his gaze, but the unevenness of it unnerved her. As much as she tried not to stare at the bandage, it called for her attention, begging her to think about the empty socket she knew lay behind it.  
  
“Hi,” she finally remembered to say. David just shook his head in response and walked stiffly toward the door, the braces supporting his lower body giving him a distinctly robotic gait. Renetta remembered the time they’d come here to skate and wondered if he would ever be able to attempt something so coordinated again. The doors to the holodeck opened, and she was glad he couldn’t see the pity she knew she had written all over her face.  
  
On the holodeck, Renetta had generated a program of a simple park: Sunshine, fresh air, shade trees. It was nothing special. It couldn’t be.  
  
They sat down on a nearby bench under a massive oak. Renetta lowered herself down quietly, but David’s support frame wasn’t quite so gentle, landing him on the wooden bench with a thud. The pair sat in silence for a time, listening to the birds and avoiding the conversation they both certainly knew by now was inevitable. David was the first to speak.  
  
“Just say it, Renetta.” His voice was still hoarse from everything that had happened.  
  
She turned to him, trying desperately to imagine the person he was before. No matter how hard she tried, her mind wouldn’t picture it. They had both been scarred by what had happened. _It’ll never be the same._  
  
“I said out with it already!” he snapped. Renetta flinched. The birds halted their songs.  
  
“David, I can’t do this,” she began, her voice wavering.  
  
“Well, I can’t do everything for you,” he muttered.  
  
“I didn’t ask you to do _anything_ for me!” she blurted.  
  
“You didn’t ask me to stop, either!” David lapsed into a fit of coughing. When he had stopped, his voice was a grating whisper. “I told you I’d protect you.”  
  
“I never wanted you to--” Renetta looked away. “I never wanted it to happen like this.”  
  
David said nothing, and Renetta’s feelings stirred and burned in the silence. What was it he wanted from her? Release? Anger? Pity? _I don’t even know what I want from him. I’m in one piece, but I hate him for it. I can’t hate him when he’s not even whole anymore._ Her throat tightened as she finally accepted the final thought in her mind. _I can’t love him anymore, either._  
  
“I can’t… We can’t keep this up,” she said, barely more than a whisper.  
  
“I know,” he said after a long pause.  
  
“Maybe…” she reached out a hand, “maybe after we’ve had some time--”  
  
“Renetta, please,” he said, snatching his hand away before she could touch him. “Don’t give me false hope. I’ve had enough to last a lifetime in the past few days. It’s over. I don’t blame you.”  
  
“David, it’s not like that--”  
  
“Not like what?” he shouted, turning to her. His face was red and his eye was bloodshot. He stared for a long moment, consumed by anger and pain. Renetta looked away again. She heard him get up. It took a few tries before he managed to get to his feet and start walking toward the door. It opened and shut again, and by the time she looked up, the door had seamlessly reintegrated itself into the holographic projection of the park.  
  
 _I’m sorry._  
  
Renetta sat alone on the park bench, kicking at pebbles in the dirt, her mind devoid of concrete ideas but full to bursting with competing emotions. A cloud crossed the sun, and a cool breeze chilled her through her sweater. She’d unraveled nearly an inch of her sleeve. It didn’t matter. She stood and kicked a pebble out across the grass before heading for the exit.  
  
“Computer, delete program.”  
  
The park dissolved into the black and yellow grid of the holodeck, and the doors opened, releasing her into the empty hallway, where she stood, alone, holding the ball of unraveled string in her hand.  
  


**The adventures of the _USS Babel_ will continue...**


End file.
